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I slid my hand beneath her sundress. I traced her hips and the beautiful shape of her spine. She ran her fingers through my hair, pushing it back out of my eyes and tracing the scar across my eyebrow like she so often did. I needed her.
Another moment and our bodies had found the edge of the bed. Her muscles tensed against me as she lowered herself down onto it, as if falling gently. I brought my hand behind her shoulders, supporting her as I leaned over her. I breathed in her sweet scent of apricot blossoms and honeysuckle mixed with the midnight air. I wanted to taste more of her. I wanted to show her all the ways I could love her.
The kindling flame coursing through my body grew to a wildfire as I slowly unzipped the back of her sundress. I kissed her up and down, the taste of her salty, flowery skin tingled on my tongue. She circled the skin just above my belt with her fingertips, sending me rigid. With both hands, she reached for my belt; then slid her hands upward along the skin of my heaving chest with a gentle brace.
“Wait.” I barely made out her weak whisper. “I’m sorry.”
I pulled away, fighting the desire that I’d been working so hard to suppress these past few weeks. I imagined kissing her again and making her change her mind and lose control just as much as I wished I could. “Don’t say sorry,” I muttered, keeping my tone as gentle as I could. “You said ‘wait.’ And that’s all right.” I took a deep breath, then forced it back out through my lips to help settle myself. Katrina sat up, holding the top of her dress close to her chest with a worried expression. Her shining dark eyes settled on me in a wave of guilt.
“It’s stupid. I know I love you. And I know you love me...” She sighed softly. “But I’ve seen the way my dad stayed by my mom, even when she was at her worst. It was so bad for him...But he stayed no matter what. Even when it was destroying his life. What if I do that to you?”
“You won’t, Katrina. It was the curse...”
“What if it wasn’t? What if it just really is who we are—who I am? After all, I have Cordelia's blood.” She paused to swallow down the emotions she was trying to hide. “I don't want to fear forever with you. I don't know what I’m capable of, and it scares me.”
“You’re not Cordelia. And you won't destroy my life,” I said, adjusting my jeans. “You’ve made my life feel worth living. Without you, this would all feel meaningless.”
She put her hand to her forehead and groaned. “I don’t know. It’s stupid. I’m sorry.”
Before she could say more, I knelt down beside her, taking her free hand in mine. “Katrina,” I locked my gaze with hers. “I’ve waited three centuries just to find you. If there’s anything I think I’ve mastered, it’s patience. I love you, no matter what you need from me today, tomorrow, or forever.”
I leaned in to kiss her, and she gently brushed my lips with hers. She always reprimanded herself like this. As if she didn’t trust herself. She feared her own desires, and she was held captive by the eerie hold Cordelia had on her. I wished I could make her understand that though I wanted her more than anything, I would never compromise her or make light of what she felt. But I desperately wished I could set her free from herself.
I kissed her forehead without another word before walking away to the shower. Once the door was closed behind me, I rubbed my thumb along my jaw, feeling the steely facial hair as I tried to will the remaining lustful yearning in my veins to die down. All it took was one look in the mirror.
The rugged man staring back at me was tall and well-muscled, with dark ink decorating his arms and chest. A man who, even in this new era, looked all too much like his father. My flesh was still flush from the moment, and my dark golden hair had grown a touch longer in this first month of this second life. A life that, though I was grateful for, I knew I didn’t deserve. A life that Bellamy had lost. It hardly seemed fair. And I couldn’t make sense of it. We’d both had difficult lives dealt to us, but his—his was cruel. Yet I was the one granted another. No matter how strong my efforts to reassure myself were, I couldn’t rid myself of the feeling that it should have been him.
3
Adrift
Katrina
Iwatched him disappear behind the door. The way he’d touched me had left me breathless. I wanted him. All of him. But wanting him wasn’t enough to overpower the worry that I’d somehow lose him again. I don’t know why, but something still wouldn’t let me believe all this was real.
But this all was clearly real. And I couldn’t deny everything that had happened to me—to us. Even the parts I didn’t want to be real. Like the strange vision I’d had at the bottom of the ocean after jumping into the maelstrom. Everything was real, but just because my mind believed it didn’t mean my heart could accept it. But I did know that I loved him. Fiercely. Shouldn’t that be enough?
It was enough. And I wanted to let him know. Standing up, I slipped out of the rest of my dress, letting it crumple to the floor and turned my feet to the bathroom door where the faint rushing sound of the shower beckoned me from the other side. But just as soon as I’d taken a step, I hesitated, feeling a strange sense of paranoia creeping in. I glanced around the room, without even knowing what I might be expecting to see.
“What is wrong with me?” I muttered out loud. I truly hadn’t recovered from the sense that someone was watching me. And knowing Cordelia knew how and where to contact me had made me all the more bothered. But I felt it was beginning to get out of hand. After all, what could she possibly do to me? What could she want to do to me?
Just then, my eyes wandered to Milo’s jacket that he’d tossed onto the bed. I caught a glimpse of a white edge peeking out—a piece of paper. I lifted the jacket, revealing a small envelope. It was addressed to me, handwritten, but the envelope was stamped with a seal of Tesoro Del Mar Club and Marina. I knew the seashell insignia all too well from all the research I’d done on the place, desperately looking for any trace of Cordelia. I quickly threw on one of Milo’s clean T-shirts and a pair of leggings I’d left there previously, and then reached for the letter.
My fingers traced the envelope flap with careful movements as I sat back down on the bed. I stared down at the paper in my lap, a torrent of thoughts whirling in my mind. It was difficult to decide if I should open it yet. I’d been yearning for this clue for weeks, but now the joy of finding it was replaced with the pang of betrayal. Why did Milo have this letter? And why hadn’t he mentioned it beforehand when I brought up Cordelia?
When the sound of shower water stopped, my eyes shot upward toward the bathroom door. For a brief second, I considered sneaking the envelope away, and not telling Milo I had found it. But I decided that secrets almost always do more harm than good. So I held it, turning it over in my hands nervously as I waited for him to emerge.
Steam filled the small loft as the bathroom door opened and he stepped out in boxers and a new plain white T-shirt. If I hadn’t been wrangling my confusion and sudden feelings of betrayal, I wouldn’t have been able to tear my gaze away from his solid, well-formed build. But instead, I looked at him, then dropped my focus down to the white rectangle in my hands. I was going to ask him what it was. But I could tell he understood me clearly without me having to say a single word.
“You found it,” he said, shifting uncomfortably as he put his hand behind his neck.
“I did.” I confirmed, locking my eyes with his. “Where did you get this? It’s addressed to me.”
“I—It was on your door when I picked you up from your dorm this morning. I was going to tell you. I swear I was, but…”
“But what?”
“But I wasn’t sure yet. I wanted to make sure it wasn’t something that would put you in danger.”
