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I never imagined I’d be this way. I’m not the kind of person who enjoys losing control or altered states of consciousness.
I never have more than a glass or two of wine at dinner and avoid adrenaline-rush-inducing activities at all costs. I don’t drive fast or ride my bike through the city streets (I stick to the park, where I’m less likely to be run over). I’ve never tried drugs of any kind, including marijuana, even though my college dorm smelled of weed most of the time. Hell, I don’t even allow myself more than one cup of coffee. No matter how much I love a little buzz, I know too much caffeine is bad for me.
But right now, I don’t care if having sex all night with Gideon is bad for me. I don’t care if I wake up tomorrow sore or sad or beating myself up for letting myself become obsessed with a man I hardly know.
I’ll worry about tomorrow, tomorrow.
Tonight is for discovering all the things I can feel when a gorgeous man’s naked body is tangled up with mine.
I set the candle on my bureau and the box of condoms by the bed. By the time I turn back to the door, wondering if I should go brush my hair or make some other effort to tidy myself, Gideon is in the hall outside my room.
He’s in the hall, and he’s still naked.
“Way too many clothes, woman,” he says, shutting off his light and setting his phone on the bureau. “Come here and let me help you out with that.”
I step in and his lips are instantly on mine, reawakening the fire he stoked to life inside me. Soon, I’m clinging shamelessly to his shoulders, his strong arms, moaning and kissing him at the same time as he magically makes my clothes vanish. Once again, I don’t remember a break in the kissing or him pulling my sweatshirt over my head, but suddenly I’m naked except for my panties and Gideon is drawing me down onto the bed on top of him.
I gasp as my knees settle onto the mattress on either side of his hips and his erection presses between my legs. I’m a little sore, but he still feels incredible. I rock against him, shivering as waves of awareness flow from my clit to every well-loved inch of my body.
Not love, sex. It’s just sex, the inner voice reminds me, but I shove her bliss-killing words away.
No, it’s not love, but it’s not just sex, either. The way Gideon looks at me as he cups my breasts in his hands, dragging his tongue over my nipples until I’m panting and dying to feel him inside me again, makes me feel more beautiful than I have in my entire life.
He makes me feel like a goddess, like the best “good girl” in the world.
Just thinking about his voice in my ear, praising me for taking every inch of his cock, is nearly enough to make me come again.
I’ve read enough Elaina-chosen romances to know this dynamic is closer to kinky than “normal,” but I don’t care. Everything I’ve done with Gideon has felt so right. Kinky or not, I want more of it, more of him, more of how safe and wild I feel when he’s telling me how to please him.
“I want you so much,” I whisper as he finally abandons my breasts to cradle my face in his hands again. “Please. Now?”
“Absolutely, butterfly.” But he doesn’t shift to move on top of me. He just lays back, his hands behind his head. “Get a condom and roll it on me.”
I swallow. “I…I’m not sure I know how.”
“That’s okay,” he murmurs, his gaze roaming over my body with appreciation as I sit perched on top of him. “I’ll help you if you need it. Just get one out of the foil and we can go from there. You’re going to set the pace this time. We can go as slow or as fast as you want.”
I reach over, plucking a condom from the box and opening it up. The foil tears easily, but once I’ve discarded it on the table, I’m not sure what to do next. The condom is slipperier than I thought it would be and hard to hold onto. I nearly drop it on Gideon’s belly as I’m turning it over, trying to sort out which side to place over his cock.
“Here,” he says, his hands joining mine. “See the well, right there? That’s there to catch my come, so it goes like this.” He helps me fit the right side of the condom to the head of his cock before drawing his hands away again. “Now, just hold it in place there while you roll it down with your other hand.” I do as I’m told and he murmurs, “Good girl,” instantly making my nipples harder.
“Is it weird that I like that so much?” I ask, my breath already coming faster, even before he grips the sides of my hips, tugging my pussy against the base of his erection.
“No, it’s perfect. You’re perfect.” He reaches down, rubbing a thumb over my clit through my panties, making me moan. “So how do you want me, perfect girl? Like this, with you on top? Or do you want to be under me again? Or maybe something else entirely? My cock is at your disposal.”
“I think like this,” I say, shimmying quickly out of my panties before straddling him again. I look down at his cock, simultaneously turned on and intimidated. He’s not a small man in any sense of the word. It was all I could manage to take every inch of him when I was lying beneath him, focused purely on relaxing.
Will I be able to manage him this way?
“Brace your hands on my chest and take it slow,” he says. “If it feels like too much, just tell me and we can find an easier position. You’re so tight, and I’m sure you’re sore. It’s okay if this angle is too intense right now.”
But it’s not okay, because “right now” is all we have. If I want to know what it feels like to ride this beautiful man while he lies eager beneath me, it has to happen tonight.
“I think I can handle it,” I say, sounding far more confident than I feel.
But I know all about faking it until I make it. It’s what I did for years after my mother’s sudden death, pretending I knew how to live without her, until it became true. I’ll do the same when I return home to New York and start my new life as my dad’s protégé.
The thought of working for my notoriously hard-to-please father is way scarier than anything that might happen in this bedroom tonight.
