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Adrian doesn’t need to know that I’m sleeping with his dad, at least not yet, not until Gideon and I decide our relationship is worth fighting for.
You’re awfully confident this morning. You’re skipping right over the “if” and going straight to “when.”
The thought makes me hesitate a beat after shutting off the shower. I am confident. After last night, how could I not be? Every night with Gideon is better than the last. Being with him is so natural, so easy and wonderful and fun, and exactly what I’ve always wanted.
Surely, he has to feel it, too. Surely, he’ll come around to seeing that what we could have together is worth an uncomfortable conversation and a blow to Adrian’s ego.
An uncomfortable conversation? Remember who you’re dealing with, girl. Adrian already has a Texas-sized chip on his shoulder when it comes to his dad. You think learning Gideon is sleeping with his ex-girlfriend is going to be something they sort out with a chat over coffee?
“That’s not my problem,” I mutter to my reflection as I sweep on a quick coat of mascara and some lip gloss. “Not today, anyway. Don’t bite off more than you can chew. Just deal with Adrian as quickly and efficiently as possible, tell him you have to work, and then you can order coffee and a breakfast sandwich.”
Buoyed by thoughts of my favorite goat cheese and avocado croissant from the deli on Madison Avenue, I whip my damp hair into a messy bun and breeze out into the living room. I have just enough time to grab a bottle of sparkling water from the fridge before there’s a knock on the door.
Reminding myself again that there’s no way Adrian could know that all my filthiest fantasies feature his father in a starring role, I slide the chain off the hook. By the time I unlock the deadbolt, Adrian is already turning the knob.
“Come in,” I say dryly, arching a brow at him as he barges past.
But he doesn’t notice. He’s too busy barging.
I close the door behind me, preparing to defend myself against charges of being a dirty, lying trust fund kid, if that’s what he’s upset about.
But when Adrian spins to face me, he doesn’t look angry.
He looks…scared.
My stomach drops, and I shift into crisis containment mode. “What’s wrong? What happened?”
“It’s bad, Syd,” he mutters, dragging one hand down his pale face as he braces the other on the kitchen island. “It’s so bad. I don’t know what I’m going to do. I can’t do this now. Maybe not ever, but especially not right now.” He shakes his head numbly. “I just can’t. I’m not ready.”
“Not ready for what?” I ask, crossing to pull out one of the island chairs. “Sit down. Let me get you some tea.”
“I don’t want tea,” he says, his voice strained. “I want to travel back in time and wear a condom every time. Every single time.”
“Oh no,” I murmur, sinking down into the chair myself as his meaning hits.
“Yeah.” He croaks out a humorless laugh. “I should have known better than to trust that Gigi was remembering to take her pill every day. Gigi can’t remember what day it is or how many drinks she’s had or if she’s supposed to be on set at three or five.” He winces, his eyes squeezing shut. “I’m so stupid. So fucking stupid.”
“You’re not stupid.”
He opens his eyes, shooting me a “play it straight with me” look.
“Okay,” I amend with a sigh. “You’re kind of stupid. But we’re all stupid like that sometimes. In the heat of the moment, you’re not always thinking about being safe and responsible. I get it.”
His brow furrows. “You do?”
I nod, ignoring the guilty flutter behind my ribs. “Of course, I do.”
“But you’re always responsible.”
“Not always. Sex is a powerful instinctive drive, Adrian. Our survival as a species depends on it. It’s understandable that sometimes the urge to go at it without worrying about the consequences wins out.”
He sighs as he sags onto the stool next to mine. “I still hate myself. I can’t do this, Syd. I have no idea how to be a father. I’ll screw this kid up even worse than my dad did with me. He’ll probably become a serial killer or something.”
Fuck. His father. He’s mentioned his father.
And I know enough about Gideon to realize he’d love nothing more than to help his son learn how to be a dad. For the two of them to learn how to do that together.
But I can’t say anything.
