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The dark cloud hanging over my head completely surrounds me as I follow Casper through all the security checkpoints to the same ward as last time. Every step is punctuated by the pounding of my heart.
Then I see him. There’s so much blood. Freddie’s covered in it, and I don’t really know what to do except stand still and watch him as he watches me. Every one of my limbs is frozen as the relief pours from me in floods of tears.
God, I’ve never loved anything the way I love him. If anything were to ever happen to him, I don’t know what I would do with myself. And that notion that he might have been taken away from me sets me into motion. I don’t care about anything else. Only him. My lord. My Freddie. My beautiful moth.
Strong arms wrap around me as my chest presses to his. Finally, I can breathe. His scent fills my lungs so fully that they burn with the bruising beat of my heart as my gaze flits up to meet his blue stare, so intense that it makes goosebumps break over my skin with the wave of heat that courses from my head to my curled toes.
The dried blood on his face doesn’t matter. The fact that the blood on his shirt is soaking through my clothes doesn’t matter. Nothing fucking matters as the heat of his body seeps into mine.
Everything fades for this small fraction of a second where he’s holding me and I’m holding him, and it is kismet. Everything inside me lights up in his shadow. Every part of me that has torturously ached in his absence sighs with relief at his touch. And as my hand flattens over his chest, I know he feels it too from the way his heart races against my palm. The way his nose flares as he breathes and breathes, sucking all the air around us into his lungs as though he has been holding his breath all this time too.
“I’m sorry.” The words burst from me in another torrid sob. “I’m so sorry.”
A hand trails from my waist, lower down my back, before rounding to my side where it fists the hem of my light practice sweater.
“Please forgive me.”
My gasps jam together, one into the other without any reprieve from the newfound fear hammering my chest. Freddie doesn’t say anything as he cups my face with his other hand. There’s no smile. Nothing except his unwavering stare that bores right into me. Right now, there’s only one thing I need. Only one thing I want.
Kiss me.
My silent plea flickers in his eyes like so many times before, except brighter.
Kiss me.
Heat scorches through my veins as his face lowers, and I roll right onto the tips of my toes. We’re so close that his breaths flutter over my face. The tang of his scent zings on my taste buds as I lick my lips.
It’s all happening until that one sob cuts through the silence. Without pause, he stands straight and releases me to glance behind him.
I already know what’s coming. So much so that my heart stutters to a new pace, as though it’s readying me. Nothing could prepare me for the soul-crushing realisation as I peer around him, inside the room we’re standing outside of.
“You’re not leaving me, are you?” Lucy asks as Freddie turns, taking me with him so that I have a clear view of everything presented to me. “Please don’t leave me, Freddie…you promised.”
Twisting my sweater around his fist tighter, he takes a step forward while I take a step back. He was meant to come for me. He said he was coming to get me…
“You promised you wouldn’t leave her?” The question falls from my lips.
A murmur in the sudden quiet. As I look at her, sitting on the hospital bed, I almost feel bad for hating her so much. For being jealous of the past they share. For wishing I could erase it.
Lucy flits her gaze from Freddie to me. A vapid look of indifference blankets the ice in her stare. She’s like a porcelain doll with her unmoving expression. There’s no fear or hurt. There’s nothing. When I look back to Freddie, he’s watching her too. Watching her so damn hard that I don’t know if he he’ll notice when I leave.
Surprisingly, every step I take back, he closes between us.
“You said you were going to come get me…”
“I was.”
The fact that he looks pained and exhausted doesn’t change anything. Even if my heart begs me to see past what’s right in front of me, even if it reminds me of all the love it bleeds for him, I can’t do this anymore.
I thought he was so hurt that he couldn’t keep his word to me. Now I realise why Casper didn’t want to bring me here, why he was so angry, because it’s nothing compared to what I feel.
“You should have,” I spit as he takes one more step towards me, and before he can come any closer, I pull away completely.
I ignore the urge to look back or even stop to scream at him all the ways in which he’s tearing me apart and breaking me. Instead, I focus on heading back the way I came and block out all the stares following me. I keep walking with my blood pounding in my ears and my breaths cutting through me. I keep walking, and I don’t stop.
Chapter 8
FREDDIE
