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I’m really not sure how long I’ll be able to keep this staunch willpower thing going, especially with her going all soft on me. The past couple of days, she’s been my backbone while I licked my wounds and distracted myself with all her fighting talk. Still, every day that passes, it gets harder. Every night he sits out there, my heart thaws a little more. Pretty soon I’ll cave because this need inside me is greater than anything I’ve ever felt. It’s more powerful than any ambition I’ve ever had. Every dream and plan I’ve ever possessed has been twisted by it, and all the things that I wanted before him are nothing compared to my need for him.
The worst part is that I know that if I let him in, we will keep going around in circles. Nothing will change. We can’t keep going on like this, dancing the same steps that lead us to nowhere. It’s getting to the point where we’re both going to end up getting hurt.
So, the best thing to do is put space between us. Real space. The kind with high stone walls and wrought iron gates. Sometimes the safest place is a gilded cage, and it’s why I’m heading back to the academy.
“Fleur, I—”
“I know. I know…and if he wasn’t such a twat, I could’ve made use of his stalking issues and had him drive Grace around so I could get some sleep. That would be great penance, right?”
“Get the nanny,” I tell her in reply as Grace spits out her dummy and begins grumbling again. “Are you sure she’s not hungry?”
“Nope, she does this every night when Casper goes to sleep. She’s fine all day with me, but the minute he gets home…pfft…” Her ramble is drowned out by the sound of the kettle bubbling loudly in the background and the racket of the dishes she’s taking out of the dishwasher.
Meanwhile, my head is whirring a million miles a minute. I’m suckered into a rabbit hole of thoughts and feelings and memories that make it impossible for me to think straight.
A loud crash makes me jump out of my skin. My heart begins to ram into my ribs so fast that my vision starts blurring at the edges. I’m frozen stock-still with the whooshing and loud pulsing in my ears. My arms tighten around my niece, ready to protect her in every way I can.
“Oh fuck!” Fleur curses sharply as Grace starts screaming, probably because I’m squeezing her too hard. “Crap…sorry. Bloody mug slipped out of my hand onto the plates and— fuck, there’s china everywhere. Fuck my fucking life!”
Even though I’m more than aware that the commotion was nothing serious, my heart refuses to calm. If anything, the fear instils itself deeper into my bones, chilling me to the core.
“Hey! Georgie?” Trying to grab my attention, Fleur calls my name while I hold my breath so I don’t pant my panic down at her. “Georgina? You all right?”
It takes all my effort to gather myself and shake the haze off. “Yeah. Yeah. Fine.”
“Sorry, didn’t mean to startle you,” she says, taking a good look at me.
“It’s fine.” The lie is obvious. I’m barely able to keep my voice stable. “You didn’t, and anyway, Casper’s upstairs and Cooper is out there in the hall…”
With a nod, she gives me an understanding smile before focusing on the shards on the floor. “Jesus, there’s literally crockery pieces all over the place. I’m going to have to clean this up before Casper comes down and cuts his feet up and—”
“Fleur?”
“Yeah?” Pausing on her way to the cleaning cupboard, she turns to look at me.
“How come you’re not always scared?”
My question must catch her off guard because it takes her a moment to start umming and aaahing over a reply.
“Well, firstly, I have Casper. He’s my first line of defence, you know? Nothing much gets through him or past him, and if it does, I have Casper. If anything were to happen to me, he would move heaven and hell to save me. He’s also made me a pretty great shot, so good luck to any fucker that tries to get near me.” A soft giggle rumbles from her as Casper comes into the kitchen.
“We’re not going to have any dishes left if you keep this up, Trouble.”
“It’s a good thing we can afford new ones,” she sasses him back as he picks her up and sits her on the kitchen island before grabbing the broom from the cupboard.
While she watches him clear up, she carries on quietly, “Being scared isn’t a bad thing. You probably think it is, but…it’s just human nature, Georgie.”
“Then how come you’re not?”
“I may not let my fear control me, but I am scared of a lot of things. Mainly that something will happen to your brother or Grace, or that I might not get a tomorrow with them.”
“That’s never going to happen,” Casper tells her gruffly as though the mere mention of her fear is a sin.
“So how do you just carry on like it’s nothing?” I ask, ignoring the scowling match they’re having.
I can’t even stop myself from freaking out at the sound of crockery breaking, and I haven’t gone through half of what she has.
“The moment you allow fear to have a voice, you’ll never be able to shut it up. Block it out and be smart about things. If someone wants to hurt you, they’re not going to stop until they get what they want.” Grace’s light snores start to get a little louder with her breathy exhales. Of course, the sound of her daddy’s voice would be enough to get her to settle.
