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“Why?” Summer asks, resting her chin on my shoulder.
“Dad had an argument with Jenson over his attitude to life. My dad has always been a businessman. I think that having two sons was the cherry on his sundae because he could mold us into better versions of himself.”
I continue doodling on the sand as she keeps listening. This is a conversation I’ve never had with anyone. Every time Seb or Harrison have tried to engage me in it, I’ve found ways of shutting it down. But with Summer, it’s different. There isn’t a single thing I want to withhold from her, good or bad.
“My parents were having a party for their anniversary. Jenson was already fucked before people started arriving. My dad lost it with him, and then Heather got there, and she started arguing with me about how I should’ve been a better brother and had his back… She was right. I should have.”
“Sounds like she wanted you to enable him,” Summer offers without a second of hesitation.
It’s cute that she’s so quick to jump to my defense. In a way, she’s doing exactly what I should’ve done for Jenson that night.
“Everything boils down to what I should’ve or could’ve done but failed. I was so angry at him for being so selfish that I didn’t call him or go after him. Instead, I broke it off with Heather, knowing that they would end up doing something reckless to get back at me and our father.”
“Parker, babe…”
“You don’t get it, Summer. You don’t—” I pause, realizing too late that I’ve snapped at her again. “I’m sorry, it’s just that you don’t know how things were between the three of us. Every time I broke it off with Heather, she would run to him, and I would run after her because it was the only way of protecting them from each other.”
“Don’t stop,” Summer tells me even as tears bulge in her eyes.
“This weekend isn’t meant to be upsetting to you. I wanted…I want to have a good time. You, me, and Easton. My mom adores you—it’s why she was rambling like a crazy woman.”
“It feels weird calling her Agnes.”
“Try Aggie. That’s what my grandmother calls her.”
“She’s really nice…and pretty. You look like her. Same hair and eyes…I bet you’re a real momma’s boy.” Her laugh rumbles through me, and when the tears lingering on her lashes finally fall, I can’t help but swipe them away.
Cupping her face, I guide her up onto my lap. “I don’t want you to cry, baby.”
“I hate that you carry all this guilt around with you, Parker.” Straddling my lap, she touches her forehead to mine. “It’s not healthy, and it makes me hate her so fucking bad for using it against you. I always wondered why you didn’t take Easton away from her. Always wondered if maybe a part of you cared for her more than you wanted to admit.”
“I didn’t stop Jenson from getting in his car that night. It sickens me to think of the people he might have hurt, and the fact that I’m grateful that it was just him and Heather that ended up casualties makes me feel like a piece of shit.”
I can’t catch my breath as the memory of Mom’s cries echoes in my ears. The bright blue sky hazes as I try to ignore the tightness in my chest.
“He died on impact. The car was a wreck, and it’s a fucking miracle that Heather isn’t dead too. She was sober enough to buckle up, but he was so fucking ruined…”
“I’m so sorry, Parker. So damn sorry.”
“So am I.”
“It’s not your fault,” Summer murmurs in between soft kisses to my face.
“Maybe, but I have to be able to look my son in the eyes and tell him that I did everything I could to help her. Like you said, she’s still his mother. Whether I like it or not.”
The hum of the ocean breaks through my convoluted thoughts as we hold on to each other. There’s no doubt that we’re meant to be. Summer fits perfectly to me—her soft body molds to the hard lines of mine. Her tender nature mellows mine.
“You want to hear something really stupid?” she asks, breaking the silence that had instilled between us. “I envy her.”
“Heather?”
“I envy her for having a part of you that I don’t. The two of you have this beautiful child together, and every time I recognize something that I know doesn’t come from you, I think of her, and then I wonder if you do that? If you think about her when Easton does or says things that are like her?”
“You shouldn’t feel that way because my thoughts of her are filled with dread and resentment. They pale in comparison to my thoughts of you.”
With a long exhale, she shrugs. “I told you it was really stupid.”
Laving at her lip, Summer holds my stare. A sleeve of her pretty wrap-over dress falls off her shoulder, and I can’t resist the urge to nip at the smooth, freckle-peppered skin.
