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“So… Petra’s stuff,” Cass said, bringing us all back to earth.
“Yes.” I snapped back to reality. “Did she give you a list?”
“Well, she gave Mum a list,” Heather said. “And Mum gave it to us. She didn’t want to leave Petra.”
“Shit,” I said. “Is she okay?”
“Mum’s fine. Petra’s a bit… fragile. Hardly surprising, given the circumstances.”
“How much do you know?” I whispered, dread filling my veins.
“Well, we were at Mum’s when Petra phoned.” Heather looked uneasy. “We were just leaving to go down to the beach when we met Petra walking up. She was in a bit of a state, so we walked her back to Mum’s, and then she just ended up telling us… everything.”
“Everything?”
“From her point of view, anyway. It’s a shitty situation, like I said.”
“It’s not ideal, no,” I said stiffly. I couldn’t believe that Petra had spilled it out to them like that. I held my hand out for the list. “Make yourselves comfortable in the lounge. I’ll go sort Petra’s stuff out.”
“Do you need any help reaching the top shelf?” Cass said. “Petra said some of the stuff was quite high. Perks of being tall.”
“No, I can manage, thank you,” I said, heading up the stairs.
Just the sight of Petra’s writing made me well up. The conversation downstairs had scraped me to the bone, and seeing Petra’s curvaceous handwriting with its flicky loops and swirling frivolities just made it worse. But I set my jaw and worked my way through everything in the list, packing it neatly and precisely as was my way. I didn’t hear a peep from Cass and Heather up until I was almost finished, when I heard a sudden excited squeal, and then Cass’s voice, sounding soothing. Whatever it was, it sounded like Cass was dealing with it, so I carried on packing.
When I went down five minutes later, Cass was holding her girlfriend tightly, swaying her a little bit.
“Everything all right?” I said from the doorway, feeling like I was intruding on this coupley moment.
“It’s fine,” Cass said with a smile, never letting go of her girlfriend. “Kylie – that’s our five-year-old alter – took a liking to your feather duster in the kitchen, and decided to put in an appearance. It’s what’s known as a positive trigger. She’s just switched back out for Heather and we’re a bit… dissociated. We’ll be fine in a minute.”
“Okay. I’m done with this packing now, so I’ll bring the cases down.”
“Need any help?”
“No, you seem like you’ve got your hands full here.” I tried to smile.
“No, it’s fine,” Heather said suddenly, un-burying herself from Cass’s chest. “I’m fine. I can help.”
“Stay there,” Cass said firmly, pressing her down onto the sofa until she obeyed. “You’re still dizzy. I’ll go help.”
Between us, we managed to get both bags downstairs without hitting the wall too many times. Then Cass took one and Heather took the other, and they stood on the driveway.
“Can we have another hug?” Heather said, stepping forward, but this time I hesitated. I felt so fragile – another hug might finish me off. She picked up on this hesitation and immediately stepped back. “That’s fine. There’s no pressure. There’s never any pressure.” Instead she held out her little finger, and I linked mine with it. Cass did the same, so we were suddenly a triangle, each linked by one little digit.
“Can we check in on you tomorrow?” Cass said.
I hesitated again. “I suppose so. But… maybe text, rather than come out here? I’m not working, but I might be… doing other stuff.”
“Sure,” Cass said, and gave me both of their numbers. I gave them mine and waved them off.
The reason I’d asked them to text rather than come over was because I knew that tomorrow, I’d have to make a start on my research. No more putting it off because I was scared. It was too late now – I needed to get some lunch and get ready for work – but tomorrow I was completely free.
It was high time I researched the gender spectrum.
Chapter Fifty-One
‘List of genders’ seemed the most logical thing to type into the search engine at first, after a whole morning and half an afternoon of procrastinating.
