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Thorne draws back slightly and cups my cheeks in both hands. Studying me.
“The ambush?” My eyes flick to my battered Viking. God, we both could have been killed.
Ky winces and leans his head back. “Yeah, I could have really done without Giana being a psychopath and going all out on the near-murder plot.”
“There were a lot of things outside of my control. I could only do so much to try and orchestrate events from the inside…regrettably there were a lot of things I had no way to know would unfold as they did. No one was more terrified than me when I discovered that she was planning to ambush both you and Ky like that. I knew she needed to keep you alive…” His voice cracks and I hear every layered meaning behind those unfinished words. Thorne genuinely didn’t know if he’d lost Ky forever last night.
“Did you know about the drugging? The threats sent to my phone?” My body starts to sway a little.
“Yes.” He clears his throat. “Those were tests of loyalty from Giana. She endlessly wanted proof that I was trustworthy enough.”
Guilt rolls off him in waves as he cradles my body so reverently it makes my bruised and battered heart ache.
“Asking for your forgiveness feels too much, Foxglove. It’s more than I could ever expect to ask you to forgive me for the things I had to do—the things I had to stand by and allow Giana to manipulate and dictate and instruct me to do to you, just so I could stay close enough to her for the moment we could end it all.”
I look back at him, seeing the torment creasing the corners of his eyes. He’s holding me so carefully, and all I can think of is what Raven was saying last night.
“Were you working for her? All those years?”
There’s a tick in the corner of his strong jaw. He considers his words for a long moment, and I don’t know if I can handle more secrets being dragged out and laid bare in this misty light.
But I have to know.
“When I was about fifteen and first moving up through the ranks of the Anguis security teams, I found out that the monster—the person who had nearly destroyed Hawke and I—had a daughter. Her very own child was living at the mansion, hidden away. You had just had your fifth birthday, and were reaching the age of so many other victims Giana and your father had chosen.”
His brow creases, a pained expression clouds his eyes.
“I’ll admit, at first, I requested those stations in order to watch you out of spite. I was young and fucked up after everything that had happened…I’m not proud of it, but I was so angry at everyone and everything and determined to burn Noire house down to the ground. I didn’t care if I took your entire family with it.”
Ky shifts in the seat he’s occupying, and sees the struggle Thorne is having to get his words to come out right. “He couldn’t let her do to you what she’d done to so many others before.” My Viking supplies.
Thorne’s face softens as he looks over at the man he’s loved and protected for so long also, then focuses back on me. “That’s why I stayed as close as possible. That’s why I asked to be stationed outside your rooms. I did everything I could to make sure you could stay safe, even after you were grown up and escaped. Even if I couldn’t be in the city myself, I made sure you were watched over by my security teams as you started your new life. Giana stalked you and obsessed over ways to manipulate you for years. Some of the awful things I had to do once we took you were her insane tests of loyalty—I needed to go along with in order to draw her out of hiding, and I can’t even tell you the guilt at having to go through with any of it. But you have to know, it was never for her; everything was for you, Foxglove. It has all been for you.”
There’s a strangled noise that comes out of me. Tears well and drip down my cheeks, and Thorne uses his thumbs to swipe at the wetness with more tenderness than I could ever imagine possible.
“I’ll always watch over you, Foxglove Noire. You’ve been in my blood longer than I can remember. Even when I tried to tell myself it wasn’t true…even when I tried to convince myself I didn’t care for you.” His blue eyes hold mine in a trance, and there’s a knot in my throat that has lodged itself there.
His jaw works as he keeps me steady. My fingers grip tight to the fabric of his shirt to hold my sanity in place. “There’s not much I’m proud of in this life, but knowing I was able to protect you, and save Ky from the worst possible fate, that has been my mission for longer than I can remember.” It’s the only moment his gaze leaves mine, as those blue eyes flick up and over to where Ky is sitting for a split second, and then they are back on me.
“You were always there,” I murmur. Feeling lightheaded.
“An idiot keeping endless secrets, hidden in the shadows.” His brow lines as a darkness washes over him for a moment.
The part of his shirt I’m clinging to covers the tattoo I gave him. Where this man let me be forever imprinted upon his skin.
“I wanted better for you…better than anything I could give you at any rate. Maybe, originally, I wanted you to hate me. So much of my past was fucked up beyond all measure. But then…once you were finally here with us… God, how many ways can I tell you I was wrong? I’m sorry I’m not a better man for you, Foxglove. It’s impossible to change who I am, or the past that made me, but I am always going to try to do the best I can…for all of us.”
I’m so in love with him. Everything aches at the heartfelt way he holds me secure with his words and gaze.
“None of it brings Cara back, and it doesn’t change what happened to my brother and me, but…but it’s something.”
Oh, god. His brother.
“Hawke…Is he…” I hardly dare breathe the words.
“He’s going to be ok. The asshole is never going to let me live it down that he took two bullets for me, mind you.”
“I thought he was you.” Tightness constricts my chest. “He smelled like you…I was so certain…” Emotion grips me in a vice as the memories of last night feel like they’re going to clamber all over me and threaten to drag me to the ground.
