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Chapter 1
I’d been on this video call with my mother for over an hour and needed to go, but she would not shut up.
“Someday you’re going to be running this all by yourself,” she told me for the fourth time. “This is all very important stuff for you to learn about now before you’re at the helm of this ship!”
“Speaking of ships,” I said. “I need to be getting ready for the girls’ trip. We leave soon, Mom.” I was trying desperately to get off the phone. She’d been trying for hours to convince me to join her for an upcoming fashion show in New York City. I’d have rather eaten my own arm than attended.
The fashion world had never been my thing. My mother had treated me more like a walking billboard than a child in my younger days, always parading me around in clothing from her own line. As I had grown older, she’d become more adamant that someday I would take over her line for her—but it was never something I wanted for myself.
Still, the pressure of carrying on a family legacy—even one I didn’t want—had become daunting. I had always struggled to stand up for myself, not only with her but also with my friends.
Once all my parents’ money was stripped away, underneath I was really just a lonely girl in search of her own place in the world. I had been raised for the spotlight, but I much preferred to not be seen. In fact, I had struggled with panic attacks most of my life because of the pressure to always be perfect. I thought perfection meant being exactly what everyone else wanted of me. I suppose this was probably why it never bothered me to be best friends with Jessie, knowing she’d do anything in her power to be the center of attention.
“Heather?” my mother called back, snapping me back out of deep thought.
“Thank you, Mom!” I answered, faking that I’d been listening the whole time. “It is so great to hear from you, as always, and I definitely will think about New York. But I need to be going!”
“Alright,” Mom sighed. “I really do think New York would be a good thing for you! Have fun on your trip, and I’ll talk to you when you get back!”
We bid each other adieu and finally ended the call.
I heaved a heavy sigh.
Only empty days ahead—empty days reserved for the girls’ cruise with Jessie and our other friends. The smile soon faded, though, when I remembered that we would have to play the game.
Once upon a time in Paris, it was fun to compete with Jessie and see who could land the guy the most times—but now? It had just become boring. At thirty, I wanted to settle down and think about starting a family, but Jessie seemed like she was trying to hold on to every last shred of her beauty queen days.
I’d be lying if I said I hadn’t thought about backing out. Every time I thought about it, though, I somehow found myself back in. There was one thing I was adamant on, though: this was to be my last girl’s trip.
The girls’ group had grown apart. I still had a soft spot for Jessie, of course. She was my closest friend—but even she had become difficult, at times, for me to deal with. Underneath her rude exterior, Jessie was a hurt child grown into a woman’s body. I knew this better than anyone. But the time had long since passed for her to figure out a better way of managing her pain than with the mistreatment of those around her.
What nobody realized about Jessie was that her life might have looked lavish and easy for most, but it had been anything but. Jessie’s family had faced hard times and dark secrets over the years, often putting Jessie right in the middle of storms most people could not have handled.
There was no doubt in my mind that this played a big part in the insecurities Jessie had, which often fueled behavior in her that seemed cruel and selfish to others. She’d grown up in an environment where she had to make demands or be ignored. She knew no other way of life.
There was a lot in this world to feel sorry for Jessie for. There was a lot, too, for which the time had long passed for her to learn to do better on her own. She was a hard person to be friends with, even after understanding why she behaved the way she did. And the harsh reality of life was that sometimes it’s best to walk away from toxic people no matter how loved they are.
It was a reality I’d found myself grappling with a lot lately.
My time with Jessie had become exhausting, and I’d long since outgrown the foolish behaviors she and I had once bonded over. The game being one of them.
The game was born on our first girls’ trip years prior. The object of the game was for every participating girl to choose a man during the trip and see who could bed their man the most times. There were a few simple rules—like no going after someone else’s chosen partner, no paying for sex, and no lying, for example. The loser of the game was the person who bedded the least amount of times—and that person had to pay for everyone else’s trip.
The only real benefit to winning the game was bragging rights. And if there was one thing Jessie loved to do, it was brag, so she went into the game every time like she was competing in the olympics. There was no second-place trophy for her.
Of course, growing up and maturing had made the rest of us believe there was nothing much to brag about in terms of getting a man into bed. Most men were more than happy to oblige anytime you asked. In fact, the game was really a competition of self-devaluation for the tiny payoff of having a trip paid for that, to most of us, wasn’t much of an expense in the first place, anyway.
The whole thing had long since stopped making sense to most of us, but we continued on anyway. Committed to the idea of being a part of a circle of friends, even though the friendship had long fizzled.
My phone chimed. It was the girls’ group chat, hopping with messages in preparation for our departure.
Jessie: Are we ready girls?
Niki: As I’ll ever be.
Me: I’ve been ready for weeks.
I already knew, though, that Jessie wasn’t as excited as she’d been letting on, either. I made my way to her house to pick her up. We had plans to ride together to board the yacht.
