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I laid back in the chair and gave him a sweet wave hello when he glanced over. He shot me a wink in return, and I blushed, smiling. It was shaping up to be a perfect day. It felt good, standing up to my mother. I was hopeful about my budding relationship with Matteo. I might even be ready to take on Jessie, too. But first, I wanted to relax.
I laid back in my chair and started watching the other boat passengers, thinking about what Matteo had said earlier regarding passion. I wondered what each of them might be passionate about.
An elderly couple was playing a card game at a nearby table. I heard one of them mention “the children” back home. I knew by their ages that those children were likely adults now. I looked at the woman. Her perfectly coiffed silver hair was pinned back neatly under a sun hat. She had little or no makeup on that I could tell. Yet, when she looked at her husband and smiled, she beamed pure beauty. Perhaps her passion had been for him and the family they’d raised together.
Across the dining hall, I saw Esme. She was preparing each empty table for the upcoming meal, rolling clean silverware into cloth napkins and tidying up table arrangements. Surely being a server on a boat was not her passion, but perhaps she was along for the adventure? Perhaps she was saving aside money to chase a bigger dream?
Rufus seemed in his element at the bar. Do people have passion for bartending?
Smithy seemed to genuinely enjoy his work of offering diving lessons. He was excited—animated, even—telling one of the other passengers a story about a recent dive where he saw an octopus.
Lissa and the captain were having a conversation near the steps to his controls. He seemed to be living out his passion as captain of this yacht. Was she living hers?
“There you are!” I heard Jessie say as she plopped into the chair next to me. My heart sank. She was the last person I wanted to look at.
“Hi,” I said, coldly. I was hoping she would get the hint that I was still not ready to talk and just leave. No such luck.
“What are you doing?” she asked. “Babysitting your boyfriend? Worried he’s gonna get whisked away by someone else out here watching him grill fruit?”
“No,” I said. “I was trying to have a quiet afternoon alone.”
Jessie laughed. You know better than that!” she said. You and me have been friends for way too long for you to ever think I’m going to let you get away with a quiet afternoon.”
I knew she was trying to be funny, but she wasn’t. I was finding something very rude and intrusive about her demeanor and her flippant disregard for the peace I was seeking.
“Actually, Jessie, I’m serious. I really would like to be alone today,” I said. “I have some things on my mind, and I just need time to sort them out.”
“Things?” she asked. “Like what?”
I groaned. I knew she’d never understand, but even still I wanted to try to explain it to her.
“I just told my mom I’m not going to New York for the fashion thing,” I said. “I don’t want the line. I just want to figure out what my own passions are and chase them instead.”
Jessie laughed again.
“Your own passions?” she asked. “Where did you read that?”
Suddenly, she caught Matteo in her gaze and gave a knowing glare.
“Oh,” she said. “I see what’s going on. You’ve met someone you think is so great, and now you’re ready to give up your whole life to follow whatever bullshit he’s whispered in your ear. I told you he was bad news.”
“No,” I said. “It’s not like that. He’s actually been helping me a lot. I’ve realized a lot of things about myself that I want to change, and it’s all stuff I want to change for the better. Me and him are a fling. I know there’s no point in changing things for him, but if I can leave this trip a better person, why shouldn’t I?”
“So you’re not going to run the line?” Jessie asked, incredulously. “So what are you going to do? Be a dishwasher on a ship?”
She had done the thing again. She’d raised her voice a little higher than she needed to and caught the attention of everyone nearby. I could feel their eyes burning into me. I knew that Matteo was looking, too, but I couldn’t bring myself to turn and face him.
Once again, she had humiliated me in front of the masses, and all I wanted to do was get up and run away. My stomach clenched, and water started to well in my eyes.
I gave Matteo a quick glance as I stood up to flee, disappointment all over his face. It was obvious Jessie would never learn—but would I?
Chapter 10
When Matteo knocked on my door after lunch, I was almost too embarrassed to answer. I did, though, nevertheless. He stood in the hallway, waiting for me to come speak to him with a furrowed expression on his face.
“Are you okay?” he asked me.
My face was blotchy and swollen from crying. I’d had another panic attack alone in my room. That was one for almost every day of the trip so far. Needless to say, I was far from okay and definitely not enjoying my Caribbean cruise.
