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What have I done?
I left her here. This is my fault. I should have stayed and waited with her. I should have never left her alone. I’m supposed to protect her.
I’m supposed to keep her safe.
“Jay Bird, are you okay?” There’s a faint voice in the background.
Thoughts crowd my consciousness and consume everything else. I’m no longer in a room with Rosie but in a space of my own; only my racing thoughts and all of the overwhelming sensations surround me. Everything feels too tight, too close, too bright, too much.
“I need you to… look… me… the…” The voice fades in and out. It makes no sense.
The only thing making sense, that feels true, is I deserve this. Whatever this overwhelming guilty feeling is. This is my punishment for abandoning her. Because that’s what I’ve done; I left her, and she’s gone. Some Chad took her from me.
“Jay. Look at me.” I take in the feeling of warm hands on my face and turn in the direction of the voice.
“How many buttons are on your shirt, Jay?”
I stare blankly. Only vaguely understanding what the voice wants from me.
“How many, Jay? How many buttons? Can you count them?” I touch where the voice points.
Since when do voices point?
My fingers move across the seam of my shirt and feel for buttons. I start to count.
“Seven?”
“Good. Seven buttons. How many piercings on your ear are there?”
Raising my hand to my ear, I feel the cool metal of the studs and hoops there. I trace over them and count as the voice tells me.
No. Not the voice. Sarah Rose. Rosie.
“Four.”
“Good. Take a deep breath for me, okay? Can you do that?”
“Yeah.”
We sit there for a minute, breathing while I fully process everything.
“Julia is gone.”
“Yeah, Jay Bird. She is, but we’re gonna find her, okay?”
“Yeah. I will.”
“Of course we will. We love her.”
“I do.”
“I’m gonna call the police, okay? You good?” Rosie’s face is full of concern. It makes me feel weak and helpless.
“Yeah. Yeah, I’m good.”
I slump in the chair. I prop my elbows on my knees and hang my head in my hands.
She’s gone. And I failed her.
