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“Shit,” I murmur.
“I have an idea of what happened to her, but there’s no way to tell the full extent of it or how she’s going to respond when she starts to come back to herself, okay? So you need to check yourself before she gets hurt because you’re being a reckless fool.”
My second scolding within the hour is not doing any favors for my ego, but I know it’s well deserved. I try to ignore the doctor’s words as I stare down at the girl. She looks so peaceful sleeping there. Her blonde hair, pale skin, and round lips draw me in like a masterwork at a museum. Her curves and pillowy breasts make me want to sink into her. I’m used to mechanics and machinery and the practiced motions of combat. But this girl is pure art.
Ember is right. There is something about her. It draws you in and keeps you captive. Even while sleeping.
Looking up at the doctor, it appears she has been studying me. I don’t like the look in her eyes. There is too much knowledge there. I don’t notice my walls dropping, but she must have. It feels invasive to have her look at me like that. The idea that she may see more than I want causes me to slam my walls up and reset the mask I wear.
“How long ’til she’s up?” My attempt at redirecting the conversation is obvious, but the doctor graciously lets me win the small battle.
“Probably another couple of hours until the sedative wears off. But we will have to watch her carefully when she does.”
“And how long until she’s up and moving?”
“Well, it depends.”
“On?”
The doctor’s sigh only carries a small hint of her annoyance. Ember is better at this. The whole people thing. I should have left them to deal with this. But I need to apologize to the girl.
“How quickly her wounds heal and bones mend. How much we’re able to get her to eat and drink. There’s a lot going into all of this. She’s not going to jump out of bed the second she wakes up. My best guess? Six to eight weeks.”
I scoff at that. Sure, the doctor would be paying attention to all of the medical stuff. But something tells me this girl would be the first one pushing to get out of bed. She doesn’t strike me as someone who sits still well.
The doctor sends me another one of those looks silently saying she thinks I am unraveling, but I ignore her and instead focus on the girl.
So many people have failed her up to this point; I won’t let myself be one of those failures.
Resigned to waiting for her to wake up, I position myself back in the corner where I previously stood and resume my vigil.
As I wait for her to wake up, Ember brings me a couple sidearms and a few knives to clean each time they visit but never question why I stay. Annoying as it is at first, the doctor keeps bringing food and forcing us all to eat. I nearly bite her head off at the suggestion of resting though.
The more time that passes, the more I begin to worry. Which is an unwelcome and uncomfortable feeling, in my opinion.
Of course it’s one of the rare moments when I’m alone with her when she begins to stir. I check the hallway for Ember or the doctor, but they are nowhere to be found.
With no one else around, I concede to my desire to be near her and approach her side. I still maintain a distance from her as though coming too close would also inflict harm on me. But any illness I experience around this girl would likely be one of the heart, not the body or mind.
I don’t know how long I stand there looking at her, but when she finally looks at me, I feel the ricochet of the fissure running through my internal walls. I cling to them in a desperate attempt to keep them up, but a part of me wants to let them crumble for her. Like they did for Ember all those years ago.
She remains relaxed as she looks up at me, and her content expression eases some of the bitter feelings I’ve accrued.
“I should get the doctor.” The words fumble out, and I cringe at the sound of my voice.
Before she can respond, I walk out of the room to find someone else to deal with the girl.
Relief is quick when I spot Ember and the doctor turn the corner, walking towards me.
Though they’re still far away, I can’t help but call out to them, “She’s awake.”
They look at each other briefly and make their way to join me. I hang back a little and follow them into the room where the girl is sitting with a look of confusion and shock combined.
The doctor breaks the tension by speaking first. “We heard you were up. How are you feeling?”
Her response is slow. “Tired.”
“Completely understandable. Your body is dealing with a lot, and it will take a while before you can resume normal activities.” The doctor hesitates before continuing. “And there’s probably more needed to be done other than patching you up.”
