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Since then, we’ve dealt with a lot of the big bad stuff like this, with me wrapped in my best friend’s arms. One of the few places I feel truly safe. I settle into his arms, with my head resting against his neck, and feel the deep breath he takes.
“What happened?” The shake of my voice gave away the nerves making my pulse race.
“When you went missing… I kind of lost it.”
“Kind of?”
“I think Rosie would probably say I was unhinged. Like Harley-Quinn’s-revenge-on-The-Joker level of lost it.” The chuckle he lets out sounds slightly pained, but he keeps going. “We reported you missing as soon as we saw the security tapes. Handing things over to the police ended up being pretty useless though. Well, the police themselves were. They kept asking the same questions, but it wasn’t going anywhere. So Rosie and I… Well, we started to look into your kidnapping ourselves.”
“Jay.” I don’t know where this is going, but the anticipation is not helping the tremor starting in my hands. Of course he notices and reaches to lace our fingers together.
“Let me get this out?” He’s almost pleading with me. “Rosie’s good at making friends. Always has been.”
I hum in agreement.
“Well, it turns out she’s good at making friends in all sorts of high and low places. She has a talent for navigating dark corners.”
“What on earth does that mean?” She pauses. “Like, mercenaries like Cy and Ember?”
I’m not dumb. I figured out their “occupation” pretty early into my stay. The extensive personal armory is a pretty big giveaway. Jay slumps a little at my words.
“Yeah. Like Cy and Ember, but all different sorts.”
“You’re making me nervous. Where is this going?”
Hesitation is never a good thing, but every time Jay does, it’s like all the oxygen is stolen from the room until he voices the next part of his story. Time passes in silence before everything comes pouring out of him.
“I was angry and impatient. The police weren’t doing shit. Like, they hadn’t even found the guy who took you.” He drops his head to rest against mine. “They called at one point to see if I recognized a name. We ran with it.” His breath is hasty, and I can hear his heartbeat speeding up from where my ear rests against his neck.
“We found the guy and took him to this barn. Or really, someone Rosie found did. The coward spilled everything. He told us about taking you and where he took you. Told us about who you were with and what they wanted with you.” He took a breath before continuing. “There was so much blood. And his screams. Goddess, the way he begged me to stop. But I didn’t. I needed the violence, I think. I’m sorry.” He buries his face in my hair.
The pain in his words shakes me. It’s the first time I’ve ever heard true regret come from Jay, but it isn’t for what he did, it’s more like the fact he told me. Like he regrets telling me because he thinks it will change how I see him.
“You tortured him.”
“I killed him.” He looks me dead on. It’s the first time he looks at me since beginning his confession. “And I don’t regret it.”
Whatever shame he felt while telling his story is replaced with a confident rage.
It’s sexy.
“I needed the violence. I still do sometimes. Since then, Rosie’s asked me to help out a couple of her new friends. Turns out I’m pretty good at it.”
“You killed a man.”
He nods. “A couple, but he was the first.”
“For me.”
Another nod.
I contemplate what he’s told me. But I can’t find fault with him. I can easily picture Jay with a gun or a knife in hand. The exhaustion I saw in him yesterday makes sense when he described what he endured himself. The fact that he did it for me, because of me?
We’ve both been through hell, and he came back the Reaper.
I turn to face him and kiss him. Hard.
Gods, I love this man.
