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“I kind of just rode the wave, but I continued to spiral. Nothing seemed to help me process. I tried everything to get myself to reregulate: my embroidery project, cleaned my whole apartment while my happy playlist played in the background, took an ice-cold shower. None of it was working.”
“Oh, Nay,” Selene breathes out. “I’m so sorry I wasn’t there for you.”
“It’s okay . . . The whole time, my brain was able to recognize what was going on, which was a little weird. It was like I was stuck in limbo, trapped between my logical and emotional mind. But when the thoughts went really dark, I got desperate.
“I called Grandma, but she was asleep. I tried the hotline, but after like 5 minutes on hold, I hung up,” I explain.
Selene reaches for my hand with her free one. “So, you called Bex and Alvie.”
I nod, thinking back to that night, and my throat chokes up.
“I wasn’t expecting them to pick up, much less do everything they did. But I am grateful. It’s been good spending the week with them.”
Selene’s eyes glimmer with tears that mirror my own. “They’re good people, and they care about you.”
“You think?”
“Oh, definitely.” She nods aggressively. “I don’t know how deep it goes, but they clearly care. You have people here, and I’m glad you reached out.”
“Me too,” I agree, glancing away to focus on the art on the walls and soothing music coming through the speakers.
After a few minutes, Selene asks. “So, what’s going on with them?”
“Oh, goddess. I have no idea,” I say, dropping my head back against the headrest and staring up at the ceiling. “There’s been a few . . . things that have happened, but I don’t really know where I stand.”
“Things?” she asks, her voice lilting up at the end of her question in curiosity.
Glancing at the ladies around us, I can’t help the blush that flushes under my skin. “I’ll tell you later.”
“Holding you to that.” Selene winks before settling back into her chair. “We can chat more over gelato.”
I nod and turn my attention back to the women working on my nails. A basket of gel colors is placed in my lap, and I rummage through all the options, selecting a teal that makes my skin look tanner than it really is.
The women work, even adding flower details that are more like actual nail art and far fancier than the basic dot flowers I’ve gotten before.
When they finish up, we’re led to a small waiting area with comfy lounge chairs and a waterfall in the background while we wait for our massages.
Completely alone in the room, I finally work up the courage to tell Selene the details I promised her.
“I told you Bex and I kissed at the club, right?” I confess.
“Yes!” Selene sits up straight in her chair and turns her body to fully face me, enthusiasm lighting up her face. “I’m guessing there’s more? What happened over the three-day weekend you spent with them?”
“You mean the one you bailed out on?” I chuckle, letting her know there’s no hard feelings about it. “Yeah . . . So, we played together.”
“Oh? All three of you? I didn’t realize you were interested in Alvie too,” she says, and my face falls.
“No. Not all three of us. Not really.” I sigh. “I’m definitely interested in Bex and Alvie, but I don’t think he wants anything more than a kinky relationship with me.”
“Just a dynamic? No sex?”
“I think so.” I shrug.
“Is that what you want?”
“I don’t know. It feels weird for Bex and me to be headed in one direction that’s definitely emotional and physical, and not have the same thing with Alvie,” I explain.
“Well, you don’t have to have it figured out right now,” she says.
