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“No.”
“Do you plan on it?”
“I don’t know.”
He sighs and I can hear the disappointment in his breath.
“I will.” I pause. “I promise. Just not . . . now.”
Chapter 24
Naomi
The two-hour drive, which ends up being three with the addition of several stops to cry, back to Selene and Gunnar’s empty home is the perfect amount of time to let my thoughts spiral into a complete breakdown.
Everything is suffocating, and each breath that I try taking in feels like sand being poured down my throat.
When I arrive at the house, I leave Selene’s texts unanswered and instead let myself in, greet Beef Cake, and immediately crawl under the covers to cry.
Time floats by in a daze, and tears continue to stream down my face and soak the pillow under my head. Even cuddles from Beef Cake, who seems very in tune with my distress, does nothing to cure the ache in my chest. Bex’s rejection was a direct hit to my heart and has me drowning under an ocean of mixed emotions.
My fingers itch to text in the group with Alvie and Bex and ask for support, but that’s in direct conflict with Bex’s clear order to stay away.
I’m not needed there.
I’m not wanted.
The anxiety of not knowing how Alvie is doing only adds to the mountain of crushing emotions that’s settled on my chest.
When the tears slow and my breathing is steadily matched with my calmer heartbeat, I’m able to sit up in bed and take stock.
I feel my way through my body, letting myself embrace my tension headache, the weight on my chest, my clenched hands, and locked knees. With each recognition of discomfort and stress, I take the time to focus my energies there and attempt to relieve some of that pain. Slowly, I starts to relax again, and while the emotional pain is still present, the physical toll of my heartbreak is lessening.
Lying back on the mountain of pillows I hid in, I just stare at the ceiling.
Time has no meaning when you have a broken heart. Hopes, dreams, and plans that I made in my head are dashed. The future I pictured is now a fantasy.
All of that potential is gone.
In its wake is bone-chilling hopelessness that swarms my body and soul until I’m floating in nothingness.
Without school or any kind of schedule at all, time passes in a mixture of moments broken up by sleep.
Iknow the long weekend is over when Selene walks into the bedroom where I’ve hidden all weekend.
“Nay?” Selene whispers as I uncover myself from my blanket and pillow pile.
Her gasp tells me all I need to know about my appearance.
“Nay. When was the last time you ate . . . or showered?” she asks, but I can’t do anything other than stare at her. “Never mind. Gunnar!”
Gunnar’s head is next through the doorway, and his deadpan expression somehow makes me feel even worse than Selene’s exuberance.
“Order Italian for us tonight from that place off San Felipe we like,” she commands.
“Sure,” he trails off. “What do you want?”
“Just get a bunch of shit,” she snaps, and Gunnar rears back at her venom. “Shit. Sorry. Just, I trust you to handle it. I’m gonna help Nay.”
