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I turn back to where Naomi stands, still frozen in place, as Gunnar chats with the others standing around her.
“Probably.” I sigh. “It’s just a lot.”
“We said at brunch that she’s moving out here,” Selene says, exasperated. “I thought . . . Fuck. Yeah, I’ll talk to her.”
“I think it’s just different to see it than to talk about it,” I respond, putting my hand on her shoulder.
“You’re right. I’ll talk to her. It’s gonna be fine.” She takes a deep breath.
“It will be.”
“Right.”
I turn on my heel to go to Alvie, waving hello to the others.
“BBQ’s here!” Alvie calls to the group as his gaze flits between Naomi and me, his eyes filled with concern. “Everyone inside and we can eat.”
It’s well into the afternoon by the time we all finish up with lunch. All through the meal, I couldn’t keep my eyes from straying to Naomi. She seemed more settled than before, but I still need to know how she's feeling about all of this.
Selene's a steamroller when she wants to be, and Gunnar spoils her enough so she gets her way most of the time. I can tell by the way Naomi is smiling that Selene won this round too.
At the end of lunch, I start picking up everything and head to the kitchen to clean up. The others go to unload Naomi's stuff into her cabin, and quiet descends on the space. So it takes me a while to realize that Reka is still with me.
I'm loading up the dishwasher when she finally speaks.
"How are you feeling about Naomi moving onto the ranch?" she asks.
I rise slowly after placing the last plate in the dishwasher, but I can't bring myself to face Reka yet.
"Excited? Worried? Guilty? Name the emotion, Bex."
It takes me a moment before I respond, "The last one . . . guilty."
"Because of your falling out?"
"Yeah. I wasn't kind to her in that moment. I was outright cruel."
"Maybe. But you have to give yourself a little grace. You were dealing with a lot."
"She didn't deserve to be spoken to like that though."
"Is that what's stopping you from fixing things with her? Your guilt?"
I shrug.
"Have you ever considered that maybe your guilt is more about your fear of rejection?"
"Well, that would be far too reasonable, Reka." I smirk slightly.
"Symon and I went through the same thing, you know." Her eyes glaze over for a moment before returning to me. "After his divorce, we had to work through our shit and the hurt we caused each other."
"I remember a little about that."
"Yeah . . ." Her head drops. "It's hard for me to admit, but I was angry with him. I used that anger as an excuse to push him away for a while. But ultimately, that was what was keeping me from being a good partner to him. From being a good partner for myself."
"I don't understand." I put down the dish in my hand and turn to fully face her.
She sighs. "When we began reconciling, I had this fear that he was going to hurt me, disappear again. I'll fully admit that I took it out on him in ways that weren't entirely becoming of me as a partner or a Domme. He took it in stride, but I couldn't help but feel like I was failing him somehow."
