AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I shake my head. “I’ve felt the anxiety bubble up, but am always able to calm myself down before it gets out of hand.”
She nods. “That’s very good. What helps you calm down? Breathing? Meditating? Something else?”
I don’t want to tell her sex with Greer is the answer to unlocking all of my anxiety, but it’s like she can tell by the look I give her.
She nods again. “Ah, I see. It’s the something else.”
“Is it crazy that a person can make me feel calm? Whenever I’m around Greer I feel alive.”
“That’s absolutely normal with love. My husband was going through something traumatic when I first met him.” She leans back in her chair and adopts a smile on her face. “I was one of his students in college, and he was a complete grump. We used to call him the meanest professor around.” She chuckles lightly. “Well, we had more colorful names for him, but you see what I mean. We never know what someone is going through, and we never know who can help them out of that dark place.” She leans forward again. “Greer might be the light to the dark tunnel you’re in right now.”
An uneasiness settles over me. “Well,” I start, and then I tell Marley the whole truth about what Greer and I are really doing. About the fauxmance.
She listens intently to my story, and when I’ve finished she only smiles wider. “Maybe that’s what started as your story, but I don’t think it’s where your story will end.”
“She’s my best friend. I can’t do anything to compromise that.”
“But, you love her, right?” Marley asks me point blank.
Now it’s my turn to lean back in the leather armchair I’m sitting in. “I don’t know. I think I’ve always loved her.”
“I know you love her as a friend, but what about romantically?”
I nod. “Yes, I love her. I want to be with her always.”
Marley beams. “That’s amazing, but I don’t want you to become dependent on her as an anxiety crutch.”
“What do you mean?”
“I don’t want you to only be able to calm your anxiety down by using her. Do you see what I’m saying? I want you to overcome your anxiety by looking for the root cause. By doing work on yourself, not because you have a crutch to lean on.”
I nod, completely understanding her. “I see what you mean.” But what about Greer? I feel safe when I’m with her. She calms me. She makes me believe I can overcome the anxiety.
Is it true that I’m using Greer instead of doing the work myself?
“I’d like for you to overcome this anxiety by yourself. So, that way if you lose her you won’t head off into a tailspin.”
My heart beats heavy in my chest. I can’t lose her. “I…I.” My eyes widen when I realize I’m having another panic attack.
Marley moves from around her desk. “Roman, breathe. You’ve got this.” She holds onto my hands. “Breathe,” she repeats over and over, and I focus on her words.
I suck in a deep breath, trying my best to fill my lungs and slow my heart rate. I try to focus on Marley’s words of telling me to breathe. Of telling me everything will be all right.
But will it?
Will I even be able to survive without Greer in my life?
NINETEEN
GREER
“Not guilty, your honor,” I say to the judge as Bane Delgado stands in the courtroom next to me.
Doubt fills me as I stare at the judge, wanting so badly to believe the words I say. After looking through the case files, I don’t believe my client is not guilty, but that shouldn’t matter. It shouldn’t matter to me.
It never has before. I’ve defended guilty clients before. I knew what I was getting into when I started this job. When I went into this career.
Bane smiles at me, and it’s not a friendly smile. No, it’s calculated and sinister. Like he’s secretly telling me not to fuck this up for him. He’s got a fiancée to get home to, which he won’t let me forget.
