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No, no, no, no, no, no! I refuse to believe this is really happening.
Her hand grazes my arm, and I freeze.
“Please go away. Leave.” My voice is unrecognizable.
“What?” She sounds wounded by my words, but I ignore the pain I feel, knowing I caused it.
I won’t look up at her. But I repeat myself.
“Get out,” I order, my voice harsh and cold.
She grabs on to my face and lifts my head up, trying to force me to look at her, but I look anywhere else.
“What is wrong with you? You are my best friend! Please tell me what the hell is going on. I’m worried about you!”
Remaining silent, I fight with myself. Do I build my walls up higher or let them finally crumble?
“Charlotte, please talk to me,” Laura shakes me slightly, but the movement is enough to jar me and pull my gaze to hers.
“Please leave,” I whisper.
She glances down for the first time and looks at the pharmacy that I’m holding tightly on to.
“What is all of this?” she mumbles and reaches for a bottle.
Surprisingly, I let her take it.
I have to accept the facts of what is happening. Laura will not leave this apartment without me telling her the truth. If she were to leave without it, I know she would express her concerns to Alec, which would get around to Reed, and then I would have to tell everyone anyway. I’ll just have to make sure she leaves, promising to never speak another word of this. I’ll resign from work. I’ll get a new job and distance myself so that it’s easier for her to keep up the lie. I’ll figure it out.
She studies the bottle and looks back up at me, more confused than ever.
“They’re medicine. They’re all drugs I have to have,” I explain without emotion—I have none left to give—and toss the bottles onto my bed.
“F-for what?” She sets the remaining bottle down.
Sitting down next to them, I take a deep breath. I’m exhausted from all of this, completely drained.
Running my fingers into my wig, I tug it gently and pull it off of my head.
Laura softly gasps, and sits on the bed next to me, taking my hand in hers.
“Oh my gosh, Charlotte…” She trails off.
I know she has a ton of questions, so I’ll try to answer a few of them. “I have cancer. Stage 3 breast cancer, to be exact.”
“Oh, Charlotte…your mom…” She throws her arms around me and pulls me as tightly as she possibly can into her.
Feeling her warmth is overwhelming. I haven’t felt that sense of serene love since my diagnosis, or maybe it’s more so that I haven’t let myself feel it. I’m just so tired of keeping this charade up. I think her knowing is going to make it less lonely. Hopefully, I didn’t just fuck everything up.
After a moment of consoling each other, she jerks back and says in her mom voice, “I am so mad at you!” She lightly slaps my shoulder. “How could you not have told me?” Her eyes light up, as if she just thought of something. “Oh my God, that’s why you did it. That’s why you broke up with Reed.”
I nod as the sobs from earlier build back up in my throat, and my lashes wet with tears. “This doesn’t leave this room. Do you understand?”
“Char, you can’t keep going this alone!”
“I’m not. I have a friend that’s going to treatment too. And now, you know. That’s already more people than were ever supposed to find out,” I tell her, mimicking her mom tone.
She sighs heavily and brushes the back of my hand with her thumb. “I know you’re scared. I can’t possibly imagine what you’ve been dealing with. But blocking everyone out isn’t going to save them or you any pain.”
