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Sitting down on my bed, I pull my phone out and take a shaky breath before calling my dad.
It rings once, then twice, and he answers on the third.
“Charlotte, thank goodness. I was worried you weren’t ever going to call me back.”
His tone is playful, but I also know part of him isn’t kidding. I’ve been dodging his calls for weeks because I knew if I talked to him, I would want to tell him everything. I was trying to save myself from even more agony by putting it off. But it’s time to rip that Band-Aid off.
“Hey, Dad,” I say with a ghost of a smile on my lips. “I’m sorry I’ve been kind of MIA.”
Any jolliness in his voice has vanished as he asks, “What’s wrong?”
“Dad”—my voice cracks—“I’m sorry.”
“Honey, it’s okay. I know you’ve been so busy with your job. You are doing so amazing. Don’t apologize,” he assures me, which makes me feel worse about avoiding him.
“It’s not that, Dad. I haven’t called you back because there’s something I need to tell you, and I’ve been nervous about doing it…” I trail off.
He lightly sighs. “You never have to be nervous to tell me anything. What’s going on?”
“Dad, I-I’m sick. I mean, I’m doing better now.” My voice is but a whisper as I finish my confession. “I-I have the same sickness Mom did.”
The silence is deafening, and I wait for him to say something, anything. He sobs into the phone, and my chest cracks open. I’m really tired of hurting the people I love.
“I’m sorry,” I apologize as if that will make him feel better.
“Charlotte…” He takes a deep, quivering breath. “You have absolutely nothing to apologize for, sweetie. When did you find out? Why didn’t you call me right away? I would’ve been there for you.”
Squeezing my eyes shut, I say, “I know you would have; that’s why I didn’t call. I didn’t want to put you through that all over again. Not after how hard you took Mom’s death. You didn’t deserve any more anguish.”
He sighs heavily. “You have always carried the world on your shoulders, Charlotte. You are so much like your mom in ways you don’t even realize. She would be so proud of who you are today.”
Sobs tear free from my chest, and I imagine the same is happening to him as he cries into the phone, “I don’t want to do any more of this over the phone. I’ll be on the next flight, okay?”
Gasping in air, I slowly exhale. “Okay. I love you, Dad.”
“I love you too, sweetie. I’ll see you soon,” he says and ends the call.
I’m excited to have him here, but I know it’s going to be equally hard for both him and me. I hate seeing him in any pain. I know being with me is going to bring back a lot of old feelings that he had when my mom was sick. But I’ll be here for him the same way I know he’ll be for me. We’ll get through it, finally together.
There’s one more call I have to make, but my emotional battery is so drained. I’m going to have to call Josh after a nap. If I’m ripping all of the Band-Aids off today, then I also have to tell my other best friend. He’s going to be so mad that I didn’t tell him. But I know that anger will only come out of a place of deep love. I’ve always said Josh is like the male version of me. If he was sick and hiding it from me, I would be so mad at him. But then I would instantly feel the need to care for him and help console him. I imagine he will have a similar reaction.
After waking up from a four-hour nap, I call Josh and explain everything that’s been going on. He responds exactly how I imagined he would. By the end of the call, we both are crying and telling each other how much we love each other. He tries to tell me he was cutting his trip short to come back, but I tell him I would sell all of his prized possessions if he did. He has been excited to go home, and I’m not going to be the reason he comes back sooner than planned. Regardless, he’ll be coming home within a week anyway.
Somehow, in the midst of keeping everyone in the dark, I forgot how important it is to have the support of those you love most. Everyone’s love for me feels like a shield that I can wield against my illness. I intend to win this war with my army beside me.
20
Charlotte
“Pick a genre,” Reed says, scrolling through Netflix as we sit on the couch under a cozy blanket.
To be honest, the only thing I can focus on right now is the sensations shooting to my core with every swipe of his thumb on my bare leg.
“Umm…” Any thought on the verge of forming vanishes as he trails his fingers higher up on my leg.
It’s been so long since he’s touched me like that. Having his hand on my skin as he teases me has me forgetting everything I know about movie genres. I would love to stare at a blank screen for hours if it means he won’t stop.
He definitely notices the effect he is having on me right now. He digs his fingertips into my thigh, and I gasp at the jolt that shoots through me.
