AllFreeNovel
Share Us
I can’t read the expression on her face. The silence drags on while Lauren calmly takes a long drink, the clink of her glass as she puts it back on the counter the only sound.
“I have two questions. One, do you have another job lined up?” She raises an eyebrow, indicating I should answer before she asks her next question. I nod. “Two, is this because of Sutton? Did he say or do something?”
I open my mouth to speak but Lauren interrupts me. “Wait, have you been looking for a new job and didn’t tell me? Why didn’t you tell me?”
I pause, waiting for another question but Lauren just crosses her arms and glares at me from across the kitchen island. Sighing, I push the last few grains of rice around on my plate while I speak, not meeting her eyes. “I started looking for a new job after the night we went out to that club. Remember how upset I was?” She nods. “It hit me hard that night that I couldn’t keep going like I was and expect my life to change for the better. If I wanted my life to be better, then I needed to start making some changes. Starting with my job.”
I glance up, expecting anger or confusion, not the sympathy I see in Lauren’s eyes. Clearing my throat, I keep going. “I love Mailbox, but the truth is, I need to make more money. And yes, I probably could have looked for a position within the company. But I’m sure you and Theo would have noticed immediately and greased the wheels for me to make it happen. In fact, I know Theo would have done it. That’s why I couldn’t stay at Mailbox.”
“You didn’t want him to be the reason you got the job.” Lauren’s voice is soft. “I get that.”
“It’s one thing to have your best friend put in a good word for you. It’s a whole different thing to have Portland’s Most Eligible Bachelor tell his subordinates to give the receptionist the job.”
“Especially if anyone found out he was sleeping with said receptionist.”
“Exactly. Was he really awful?” I can’t help asking. My heart twists at the idea of Theo being upset by my actions. I reach for her plate but she stops me, slapping my hand away.
“Stop that, I’ll clean up. Worst I’ve ever seen. But he’s a whole different issue and frankly, I’m over Theodore Sutton today. He can wait. I’m claiming best friend privilege and making this about me.” She smirks and I laugh, pushing my worry about Theo aside. “I’m still kinda mad you didn’t tell me you were looking for a new job. Ms. ‘I play everything so close to the chest I don’t tell my best friend important shit’, but I get why you wanted to do it yourself. I’ve been telling you for months you need to make more money. What made you decide it was time?”
“You mean besides the hospital bill that was only a few thousand short of my annual salary?” Lauren snorts at that. “I’m sick of scraping by. Of sleeping on the goddamn couch because I can’t afford a two-bedroom place, of not being able to buy my own goddamn drink at a bar. You and Theo kept offering to help me and I just…I just couldn’t accept one more thing.”
I take another long drink. “I’ve been so scared of failing, of leaving the safety of my job at Mailbox, it was the one thing that stayed the same when my life fell apart. I don’t know, Lauren. The safety was starting to feel suffocating. I don’t need to make millions, but I need to do more than just survive.”
My best friend in the whole world grins at me. “Fucking finally!” At my confused snort, she clinks her wine glass to mine and salutes me with it. “I had given up hope that you were ever going to decide to do it. I love you more than anyone in the world, Soph, but you’re a stubborn bitch when you want to be. I’m glad you finally figured it out. Money won’t solve all your problems, but it sure makes dealing with them easier. Tell me about the new job. And do you know if you can keep writing as Elinor? ‘Cause hiring another writer is going to be a pain in the ass.”
Laughing, we take our glasses to the couch where Max is snoozing and I tell Lauren about the new company and my new job as a copywriter with them. For the first time in months, I relax and hang out with my favorite person, giggling and planning for my new job.
Lauren tells me about how she found the new girl crying in the bathroom. “I think we have to adopt her, Soph. She’s only twenty-two and the dev bros are being real assholes to her. Fuck those guys. We’re gonna turn her into a badass.”
“I’m happy to adopt her, but if she’s not a badass that’s okay too. Invite her over on Friday—I’ll cook.”
We both avoid any mention of Theo. Lauren, because she’s rightfully sick of talking about him with me. Me, because it hurts too much. I wish I could celebrate with him. I wish I knew he would be happy for me for doing this for myself. But that’s wishful thinking on my part. How could he be happy for me? I’m leaving him.
I won’t get to hide my smile at his scowly face every morning, knowing that he’s faking it. Since he let me see inside his protective walls, I can tell he’s hiding a smirk too. I see the way his hand twitches when he passes my desk, like he’s fighting the urge to touch me. I don’t know how I’m going to live without his gravelly voice saying, “Good morning Ms. Alexander,” or the wink he drops when Julian isn’t looking.
But I will.
I’ve survived before, I’ll survive again. I have to.
Twenty-six
Sophie
Survival is overrated.
Surviving is also lonely as hell.
“Give it some time, you’ve only been at the new job for what, two weeks?” Lauren’s question is hard to hear around her bite of salad and the noise of Uno, Dos, Tres, but I nod in agreement. “Pfft, you’ll make friends in no time, Soph.”
“I know. I don’t know why I’m feeling this way, Lauren. I’ve been on my own for a year now. Nothing has changed except my job.” I take a sip of water to clear my thoughts. When Lauren texted me last night to meet up for lunch today, I jumped at the chance. I miss seeing her and having lunch together. And even though I’ve only been at the new job for a couple of weeks, it feels like ages since we’ve had lunch together. Probably because my last two weeks at Mailbox I spent avoiding everyone as much as possible, and Lauren has been spending her lunches coaching Frankie on patriarchy-smashing.
But for the last month, loneliness has been eating away at me, especially at the end of a long day.
Lauren points at me with her fork. “I don’t think you’re lonely in general. I think you’re lonely in particular.” I wait for her to explain but she doesn’t, stabbing her salad with the fork and taking a bite.
“What do you mean?” I finally ask after two more bites of her salad and my tacos pass in silence.
“I mean…” She waggles her eyebrows for emphasis. “You’re lonely for one particular person. One Theodore-fuck-you-Sutton.”
