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Julian’s fingers tap the top of the table, pulling my attention away from the running lines of the wood grain. He’s tapping in a steady rhythm. My gaze locks onto it, the monotonous up and down motion. The overwhelming sound around me fades a little, and my thoughts seep slowly back into my brain. After a few moments, I count the beats as he moves. By the time I hit thirty, a wave of release flows from my shoulders down my spine.
“You okay?” Julian’s low question sinks into me.
I swallow, the faint smell of coffee permeating my saliva, and open my mouth to pull in a breath. “I…uh.” I swallow, but before I can try again, someone is calling Julian’s name at the counter. I jerk my chin in the voice’s direction. “Go ahead.”
With another questioning look, Julian leaves me to go get our order. I take a second to get myself under control while he’s gone. Why am I like this? Scared of everything all the time. All the infinite “ifs” and “maybes” that my brain won’t stop throwing at me. I note the jars of tea behind the counter and the difference in color between them. I breathe in the scent of roasting coffee. I listen to the moms behind me complaining about trying to potty train their toddlers. I run my fingers along the edge of my jacket, the teeth of the zipper rough against the tips.
“Here, let’s get some food in you.” Julian slides two baskets onto the table before setting a pair of paper cups beside them. Melted cheese oozes out of the cut edge of both sandwiches and my stomach growls again. “So…you want to talk about what just happened?”
“Not really.” The sandwich burns my fingers as I pick it up, but I don’t care.
“Frankie. Talk to me. What the hell is going on?” There’s a deep rumble beneath his words, one that rattles words loose before I can finish chewing the bite of heaven in my mouth.
He waits for me to swallow, not interrupting me or pushing, just waiting. “Mr. Sutton told us about the launch party this morning. I tried not to think about it all day, but when that email came, I just…I couldn’t stop myself from thinking about…Well, you know. You were there.”
Julian’s eyebrows furrow again. “Is Derek still bothering you? I can—”
“No, no. You don’t need to talk to him. Lauren gave him shit on Friday already. I don’t need anyone else coming to my rescue.” I grimace at the hurt that flashes across Julian’s face. “I mean—I appreciate it. The offer. I just…I don't want to poke the bear, you know? I want him to ignore me like he does everyone else.”
I take another bite of sandwich while Julian takes a sip from his iced coffee. The longer he’s silent, the more certain I am that I’ve offended him. “I’m sorry I never thanked you for rescuing me at the holiday party. I was so flustered, I didn’t think. I just went home and tried not to dwell on it anymore.”
“But you’ve been avoiding me ever since.” He points the crust of his sandwich at me, and I blush. “Derek is an asshole. Guys like him are all the same. They see people as a means to an end. Only worth whatever he can use you for.”
I shiver. Julian is absolutely right about Derek. “I’m scared he’s going to try to make me go with him to the party. Or pretend I’m his date once we get there. Raj and Manesh—” I snap my lips together. Julian doesn’t need to hear about their crazy plan. “It’s fine. I probably won’t go, anyway.” I take an enormous bite so I don’t have to explain.
“Aren’t you one of the lead developers on the program?”
“How do you know that?” The ham, cheese, pickles, and mustard in my mouth muffles my words, but Julian doesn’t seem to have any difficulty in understanding me.
“Before you started avoiding me, you used to actually tell me stuff. Remember?” He taps my forehead with a grin. “You have to be there.”
Five
Julian
The sigh that leaves Frankie’s body is so deep I swear I hear her bones rattle.
“I know. I just don’t want…I don’t want to deal with Derek anymore. It’s so damn exhausting.”
Something she said a second ago pops back to the top of my mind. “What did Raj and Manesh suggest?”
“That I take a date of my own so Derek can’t.”
I shrug. “What’s so hard about that? Surely you have plenty of people you could take?”
Silently, Frankie takes another bite before shaking her head.
“No one?”
She shrugs. “I don’t exactly get out much. All my friends are out of state.”
That stings. I’d thought we were friends. She’d come have coffee downstairs with Sophie and me sometimes, and she’d always stopped to say goodbye on her way home. Even after Sophie left Mailbox, we’d have lunch together every few weeks. But then, like the brute I am, I’d scared her away at the party. I don't want to miss my chance to break the tension between us.
We sit in silence for a few moments. An idea so ridiculous I don’t want to say it out loud forms in my mind. Head bowed, Frankie keeps eating as the air between us grows thicker.
Surely not. Who would believe it? No one. She’s the hot new developer who graduated from freaking MIT. I dropped out of community college to join the Coast Guard and never went back. We’re not exactly on the same level.
After several more increasingly tense minutes, we both speak at the same time.
