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“Beatrix.” She said my name like a knife cutting through flesh. “I don’t know where this defiance has come from, but while you’re under this roof you will do as you’re told.”
“All I’m asking is-“
“You are not asking anything. You are insulting me and my decades of experience as a witch,” my grandmother snapped. “I know what is best for you, and you will not leave this house until you are ready, just like everyone else. Now drink it.”
I chewed my lip so hard, it hurt. “I just want to-“
My grandmother stood up so suddenly that all the china on the table rattled. “You are weak Beatrix. Unfit for the outside world and would be a burden on society if I ever let you leave. Until you realise that, you’re as much of a nuisance in here as you would be out there.”
Tears burned my eyelids.
This was what she really thought. That I had no talent or skill or...worth. But how did she know what my worth was unless she allowed me to discover my power?
“Drink it,” she said. “Or I will cast you out into the street as you asked. Nobody will suffer you the way I have, and you will starve out there. You’ll be lucky if anyone mourns you.”
The tears spilled down my cheeks, the shame and guilt I knew would come of this interaction swallowing my core, and any will to argue.
I took the potion, uncorked it, and drank it. My grandmother sat down, her face as blank as if she had just witnessed a boring stage play.
“You’ll stay in your room for the rest of the day,” she said, as she returned to her breakfast. “And any more talk of defying me will see you in there longer. I hope we understand each other.”
“Yes, Grandmother.” I got up from my chair and hurried to my room.
Once I shut the door, I rested my back against it and slid down it until I reached the floor, wrapping my arms around my knees. My entire body rocked with the sobs that erupted from my very soul.
I had always dealt with loneliness, never meeting anyone my own age and being ignored by my family. But I had never felt so isolated than in that moment. The true weight of my uselessness crushed me like a pile of boulders. I would always be other at best and undesirable at worst...and from the words my grandmother had just spoken, to be undesirable was all I could hope to be.
Hecate jumped down from the bed and padded over to me, nuzzling my arm. I lifted it up, allowing her to squeeze into the space between my body and my legs. She rumbled with purrs and pressed a paw to my cheek.
The memories of what had happened at the breakfast table shot to the surface of my consciousness, and Hecate hissed, pawing my face with tender care.
But even her affection couldn’t banish the feelings of inadequacy that drenched my entire sense of self like an oil slick that would never truly dissipate.
* * *
I spent the day curled up in my bed, all but comatose. Asher had commented, or tried to, but Hecate had batted a paw at his jar every time he tried to make a sarcastic comment. Instead, he spent most of the day trying to eat the giant piece of bacon I had slipped into his jar.
By the time he had slumped against the glass with his hands on his belly, the bacon looked like an ant had only nibbled on it.
Asher had voiced his concerns that I would sleep through our three am deadline but I was still wide awake and watched the digits turn to 3:00. I had long extracted the bacon from Asher’s jar, but I still had to hold it with both hands. It was greasy.
My body felt oddly numb as we sneaked to the secret potion store. Maybe it was all the crying. Once inside, I put Asher’s jar on the floor and set about creating his enlarging potion. Hecate stayed by the door, keeping watch.
“Listen,” Asher said, pacing back and forth in his jar as the potion simmered. “I know I haven’t known you long but you kinda seem...more miserable than usual.”
“Do you care?” I rubbed my eyes, sore from the tears.
“You’re making a potion to save me, so...yes?”
“Wow, I hope your loved ones get more certainty than that.”
“That’s actually about as certain as I get. So take that as a compliment if you have to,” Asher said. “My point is...what’s up?”
“Nothing.” I added a pinch of rosemary to the concoction.
“Come on. You can tell me.”
“Yeah, I could. And then you could roast me about it. So just shut up and wait for your potion.”
