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I laugh. “What? No! It wasn’t like that. I was a little drunk, but that’s not something I’d ever do, just so you know.”
Everyone knows that woman has a vicious streak a mile wide. I can’t imagine what she’d do to someone for walking right up to her and using her feet as a urinal.
“It was a long night,” I start. “We’d all been drinking for hours, and the house was getting pretty packed full of musicians and hipster types. Eventually, I needed to use the bathroom and the main one had a line, so I snuck upstairs to find another.”
“Oh, God. You didn’t go into Karma’s room.”
“Oh, I did, and let me tell you, I did not realize her room was only unlocked because seconds before I crept in there she’d dragged some guy in there to … well, you know.”
“You saw them?”
“I got an eyeful, but I still had to pee and her bathroom door was open, so I went in there and closed the door. Of course, it was pitch dark and I couldn’t find the light switch. And there was no way in hell I was going to ask Karma. I fumbled around, found the toilet and made good use of it. I didn’t know she’d left her favorite heels right next to it, and I could hardly see a thing so …”
“You peed on her shoes accidentally.”
I nod. “Freak accident, but they were suede, and I missed my real target a lot, it turns out. I saw that when I heard Karma leave the room and I managed to find the light switch. It kind of made me laugh, but I got out of there quickly and avoided her for the rest of the night. Inevitably, she went back upstairs at some point and came back downstairs screaming bloody murder about her shoes.”
“I can’t believe that was you, Rueben. You should have bought her a new pair,” Bishop scolds me as he puts our breakfast plates on the table.
“I might have considered that if she was nicer in general,” I admit.
“That doesn’t matter,” Bishop says, laying on the guilt trip. “It’s the right thing to do.”
“Ugh. Fine. But I’ll leave them on her doorstep. I’m not giving her an apology.”
Sapphire gives me a sympathetic smile. “I know how mean she can be.”
“She’s always calling me a Mick just because my hair is red.”
“I’m assuming you’re not Irish?” Sapphire asks.
“I have some Scottish blood in me, going back a bit,” I tell her. “My grandmother’s mother, I think. I never met her.”
“That’s cool,” Sapphire says. “Karma calls me Saffron for no real reason. I think she hates me. I’m pretty sure.”
“I wouldn’t worry about that. She hates everyone,” I assure her.
“Who hates everyone?” Scout asks as he steps into the room.
He double-takes when he realizes Sapphire’s at the table, but he recovers that reaction by the time she turns around.
“Karma,” Sapphire tells him.
“Oh, right.”
“Rueben’s the one who peed on her shoes at that party,” Bishop tells him as he puts his egg whites and toast on the table.
“Rueben!” Scout scolds me. “You didn’t …”
“It was an accident!” I blurt out, making Sapphire laugh. “Not that kind of accident!”
“You’re buying her another pair,” Bishop warns.
“I don’t know what they were or what size she is, or anything,” I grumble, realizing he’s completely serious.
“I could find out,” Sapphire tells us.
“You don’t need to do that,” Bishop tells her, as he sits down with his own plate.
