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“Na, Luna got a bleeding snatch and our Alpha is trying to figure out which snatch pluggers to buy.” I’m going to kill him.
“What size is she?” Slater asks and I growl.
“I swear to god another person asks me about her pussy once more. I will banish both of you fools.”
“Geez, Alpha, only trying to help. What are the options?” I turn the camera.
“Do they do a one size fits all?” Slater asks. I growl when Khan gives me an idea.
“Wait, ask her mother!” I tell him. Eli groans, looking back at the screen.
“No, that old witch shot me in the ass with a pellet last night!”
“Louise did?” I ask a little shocked.
“No, Sondra!” I blink down at him, and he rolls his eyes at me.
“Fine, but if I get shot, you’re pulling the pellet from my ass,” he growls. I stand in the aisle like an idiot waiting for him to walk to the house.
“What do you want?” I hear Sondra snarl at him, making me pay attention to the phone again.
“I’m looking for Louise.”
“Not here. Now get off my porch.” Eli growls and I see him go to leave.
“Wait, she is a female, ask her!”
“You ask her!” Eli says.
“Ask me what? Spit it out pup, I ain’t getting any younger!” I hear her snarl, making me remember mine and Elena’s conversation about the old woman last night.
“I’m not asking, you ask her. Here, my Alpha wants to speak to you.” I hear the phone exchange hands as the screen goes black.
Then I see her face as she squints at the phone, holding it away. “Ah… why the fuck is your head on the screen? Your voice is bad enough.” she snaps at me and I shake my head. I hear Eli explain it is a video call.
“What do you want? Louise isn’t here!”
“I need to ask you about feminine problems. You’re a woman.” I tell her.
“Good observation, son. You're not a complete dimwit after all. Did you just figure that out?” she asks, glaring at the screen. Sighing, I glare back at her.
“Listen here, you old dragon; I just need to ask a question. No need to be a--” she raises an eyebrow and purses her lips.
“Fix it yourself. Call me a dragon you little mutt, I have taken shits bigger than you!” she snarls, handing the phone back. “It’s for Elena!” I blurt. She pulls the phone back.
“What about Elena?”
“Do you know what pad size Elena uses?”
“What?”
“You know pad size! For periods?”
“Periods! I haven’t had a period in twenty years. My old meat flaps dried and shriveled up years ago, along with my ovaries. What would I know about pads? Roll up some rags.” she snaps.
“Surely you would know what women use!”
“That depends. Am I a woman or a dragon?” she snaps.
