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Before I could finish, he’d already turned and walked away.
31
NIKO
Icould have lost everyone. My friends. My only family.
Gwyneira.
At high speed, I strode away from the others and headed into the forest. Branches and vines twisted, moving quickly out of my path, but I didn’t see them. Didn’t care. I just wanted it to stop hurting, this horrible way everything was falling apart.
Because of secrets. Because of lies.
“Niko!” Gwyneira called behind me.
I bit back a cry of pain and fury, everything in me feeling like a wounded animal in a trap, flailing around and lashing out wildly. She didn’t deserve what I’d said to her. How I behaved. But I couldn’t be near her right now for fear of spewing more of my rage her way.
Because dammit, I’d trusted Roan. Trusted Ozias too. I never for one second believed they’d put our treluria in danger, no matter how uncertain about them nature had seemed.
And it still was. Not about Ozias. The reason for his strangeness had finally become clear. But with Roan…
I raked my hands into my hair, my fists clenching on the strands like maybe I could rip clarity out of my mind by sheer force of will. Nature was still telling me something about Roan, but the feeling only made my head hurt. I couldn’t figure the message out. It was like an echo somehow, similar to what I’d felt from him in the past but different too. Some insane part of me still wanted to think he wasn’t a threat to us, but given how wrong I was about that before…
Except he hadn’t killed us. Or her.
An angry sound escaped me at my own thoughts. Yes, but he still took her. He’d still been hiding something so heinous, it could have cost every one of us our lives.
And he knew that. He’d actually known! He lived every day hiding this horrible secret, hiding the fact he could lose control at any moment, and never once did he admit that we were risking our lives being around him. Risking Gwyneira’s life! Gods, with one wrong move, he could’ve accidentally killed the only people any of us had left in the world.
Ozias’s words burned in my ears. Not all of us had homes before this, boy.
Yes, but we’d all lost ours, hadn’t we? Lost the people we loved. The people we’d sworn to protect. My home before the Aneirans burnt it to the ground had been a tiny cabin in the forest, and my only family was Marnira, the old healer woman who found me as an infant and raised me as her son. The two of us hid in the forest for years while the war raged on, and every day she swore we’d be safe.
But Marnira’s magic had been failing. Her health too. She hid that from me, using her skills with herbs and medicines to disguise it all because she didn’t want me to worry. By the time I learned how bad off she really was, it’d been too late for me to help her, and then the Aneirans came…
I bit back a furious cry. Some secrets shouldn’t be kept, especially the ones that could kill people. And whatever Ozias thought, those men and Gwyneira were the only family and the only home I still had.
Roan had risked that. Ozias too.
But so had I.
My feet stopped and my breaths slowed to ragged gasps, the truth hitting like ice in my veins. Dammit, that was it, wasn’t it? Yes, when our treluria came along, those men kept their silence about what they were, but in the end, I helped them do it. I was as guilty as they were because even with how oddly nature reacted to them, even with every strange impression the world around me sent, I never said a word. I’d been so sure they would never risk us. So trusting that I… I’d just…
Failed.
Raking another hand through my hair, I looked around the forest, my heart aching. I was north of the clearing where I’d left the others. There were no predators nearby. Nothing but rocks and trees and one useless giant so horrified by the lies, the secrets, and the sheer fact I’d trusted Roan and Ozias despite everything I should have seen that I’d failed the people who mattered to me most.
Because this time, I’d been the one who should have said something but didn’t. Not Dex. Not Byron or the twins. No, it was me. I was the one nature spoke to, and instead of watching out for my friends or being a worthy protector for my treluria…
My head shook, fury at myself now burning in my veins. Gods, Gwyneira even asked me about Roan, back at the Jeweled Coven. She’d been worried about him, but had I let that concern outweigh my faith in my friend? No. I’d reassured her that even if they had their secrets, Roan and Ozias wouldn’t dream of hurting us. I let her believe she could trust my word. That I would never risk her and would always make sure she was safe.
And I… I failed her.
The weight of it all settled on me like a mountain, and in desperation, I stared up at the blue sky like it could answer any of this. Why hadn’t Gwyneira told me when she learned the truth about them? Had I done something, said something, that made her think I wasn’t trustworthy? Or was it about protecting them, when she should have been protecting herself?
Gods help me, didn’t she understand how important she was to us? She was our treluria, for the gods’ sakes! She was our beautiful, precious, vital heart of everything, and if anything happened to her, I didn’t think any of us would survive. Why hadn’t she kept herself safe, when at any moment, we could have lost her?
“Niko!” Gwyneira called in the distance.
