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“You’re not convincing me,” replies Nova. “You’ve been through a lot. Ease up on yourself. There are enough people in the world pulling us down—you don’t need to join in.”
“You’re so right as usual, but my mind won’t ease up on me. I should be happy, but I feel like I can’t get a break and admire the end results. I always have to be vigilant. It can all disappear tomorrow, and then what? I won’t go back to the Pit.”
“So true,” she replies. “Once you fly first class, you can’t return to coach.” Nova takes my hand in hers. “Astrid, go to a secluded spot and scream. Just holler out all the hurt. Then go back to school and graduate. Once you’re away from those people, it will be different. They know your history, and they’re taking advantage. Once you leave Weymouth, your past is your business unless someone got a photo.”
“Oh my God, I love you,” I hug Nova, and she squeezes me back. “Now, let’s go and break up that fight before it starts.”
We hustle over to the bleachers, where a guy is giving another guy a hard time over a girl who could not care less. She got caught juggling two guys and taps on her phone, ignoring the drama taking off around her. I want them all to leave, especially her. I’m nastier than I have to be. I guess I don’t like facing myself.
In the end, Grinder tells them they can stay if they sit apart. There’s a second of dirty looks, and Grinder scoffs when one of the guys asks for a refund.
Nova scoffs the loudest, flipping her braids in the guy’s face. She tells him to take his ass home if he can’t act right. She struts away as the spectacle calms down to nothing, and I head off in the opposite direction to make our rounds.
My feet refuse to move forward as my eyes take in Wyatt. People move aside for him, even though he’s not a Monarch. People may not know he’s a Stonehaven, but with that prowling walk, he belongs anywhere. He brushes his hair out of his eyes as he stands by the far ring, watching two guys come dangerously close to the edge. Wyatt ignores the close proximity and keeps on watching the fight.
I swallow, taking his gorgeousness in. I can’t look in any other direction, and he must feel my intent gaze on him. Wyatt glances over in my direction. I inhale deeply as my lips part as if to speak to him. My raging emotions aren’t concealed as I don’t bother with looking cool. I let Wyatt see my true feelings, and no matter what he might think, I want him. Wyatt glances over my trembling body and then turns away, shaking his head.
My heart wants to harden into solid hate, but I can’t let it. I want to scream at Wyatt and tell him he believes what he wants to believe about me. What they want him to believe. Leading with emotions hasn’t helped me so far. I have a club to run, so I pull it together fast. I can cry later in my bed—I pried that lock off my room door.
“Hey, you don’t look well.” Nova touches my arm. “These lights are dim, but you look pale.”
I press my lips together with my teeth almost breaking the skin. “I’m okay.”
“No you’re not.” Nova follows my gaze straight to Wyatt and Derick, watching the fight. They’re cheering the gnarly guy as he punches his opponent in the jaw. The other guy dives to the floor along with my stomach when Wyatt looks at me again. That narrow look expresses how much he hates me. I turn away, and Nova follows me to the furthest ring.
“I miss him. He was kind to me, and I fucked that up.”
“You didn’t, because he’s still watching you while your back is turned.”
I swing quickly around, and Nova isn’t lying. Wyatt turns away quickly, but I caught him and he looked concerned. He does care, no matter what he tells me. I march over to a wall and place my back up against it. I breathe in deep, centering my feelings and telling my mind to back off.
“My head needs a time-out,” I tell Nova.
Nova stands beside me, and we fold our arms in a pose of authority. Weakness is not welcomed ever, and though the Monarchs aren’t pushing for control, I don’t fool myself into thinking I have it completely. Stonehaven screwed them, and I am Stonehaven. Sensing Nova near me lets my nerves relax and get a little break. I need another perspective. I can’t trust myself to know what to do when I’ve never been messed up by love before.
“So, why do you think he doesn’t want you?” Her voice is low. “His body is broadcasting pent-up desire.”
“He talks like he seriously hates me after all the shit I pulled. I’d hate me too if I had any sense.”
Nova scoffs. “Guys all talk like they’re serious. They want us to think they have control, but they don’t. If you had told him that it is over, he’d be over here right now. Nope, he wants you to prove you’re serious before he invests anything else. That’s what’s going on.”
I tilt my chin up and watch from the corner of my eye. Wyatt says something to Grinder and then quickly checks me out from across the room.
“I think you’re right,” I reply softly.
“Notice how he’s keeping you in sight. A man that doesn’t care would leave the room and not give a shit where you are. I guarantee that if some guy walked up, Wyatt would watch you like you were in the ring.”
I nod as Wyatt walks over to the ring near us then circles around before he heads off to the middle ring, but he’s always in sight.
“I slept with someone else,” I blurt out.
“Did you have an understanding with either one?” she asks.
“Three,” I reply. “And no.”
“Then someone needs to stop being a boy and claim you like a man. Astrid, don’t let these boys twist you up inside, so you do something insane. Don’t let them play games because they’re bored with what’s around. You’re beautiful, strong, and smart. Make them work if they want that. Make them prove that they deserve to be with you. We all want money, and sometimes we get it, but love isn’t guaranteed.”
“You’re right. They’ve knocked me off balance with their bullshit.”
“The Astrid I hung out with wouldn’t have taken this kind of bullshit at Monarch. That Astrid posted the rules on the wall, and if they stepped out of line, she flipped them off as she walked away like a queen.”
“I’d hug you, but we have to look tough in this crowd.” I feel better after Nova talks me down, but I keep stealing glances off Wyatt.
Nova pulls me into a hug anyway. “I’m tough and so are you and let a damn fool try to say we aren’t.”
