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“Not really. I’m not the one that delivers. I’m sort of a silent partner in the club. I stay hidden most of the time.” She leans into me and wraps her arms around my waist.
“When are you leaving? I can tell it’s coming soon.”
“I need to leave tomorrow morning.”
“When will you come back?”
“Only time will tell. I have a few things I need to take care of and then we can talk about stuff.” She pulls away from me, turning to the sink to busy herself.
I slide up behind her and wrap my arms around her waist. “I will be back the very second I can be. That’s the only promise I can make.”
“You don’t have to make me any promises. I get it.” I’m nibbling on her ear when I realize what she’s implying. I turn her back around to make sure she knows just how serious I am.
“Yes, I do. I want this with you.” I swirl my hand around to show her that I want the whole package. The living together. The fucking like rabbits all the time. The cooking together half-dressed and maybe not even finishing the food before we go another round. The normal shit that I’ve never had with anyone else. I want it all. With her.
“I want all of this with you.” I kiss her forehead and continue talking while my lips linger just below her hairline. “You and Emma are the only people in the world that I care about. I want to move you both but I have to get through some stuff before that can happen. Can you be patient for me?” She nods and holds me tighter throughout the night. She kisses me longer. She watches me closer. She takes in every single moment and I can see the wheels turning in her head the entire time, dreading whatever it is her imagination has cooked up.
* * *
I slip out of bed in the middle of the night to make it easier on both of us. I don’t want there to ever be a goodbye with us. I wouldn’t leave her behind if I didn’t have to… but I do. The truth is, what I’m about to do is very, very dangerous and I can’t have any distractions that would prevent me from succeeding. This will set the club up for years to come and allow me to slip off and travel the world a bit. I can take Hadlee and Emma with me and make years of memories. Maybe even buy a vacation home somewhere exotic and become one with the natives for a few months.
The guys are prepared to ride as soon as I arrive. I nod to Potts, signaling that I’m ready to go. He leads us down the highway while I take his right and Burg is on the left. I try to keep my mind on the road… but it’s Hadlee that keeps it busy. If the guys had even the slightest idea that I’m completely tripped up over a girl, they’d never let me live it down. Up until now, I’ve made it very clear that I have no intention of locking myself down to one woman. With Hadlee, all of that is different. I could never step out on her when she’s the one I’ve fantasized about while trying to fuck anyone else. She’s it for me.
We’ve been driving about forty-five minutes by the time I’ve started actually thinking about what we’re heading into. We have a big meet-up with one of our sister clubs. Boss wanted everyone on deck just in case some shit goes down that’s not supposed to. Can’t have them pulling any surprises even though they’re supposed to be allies. This is a dog-eat-dog world… and the one thing you learn pretty quick is to never trust anyone completely.
We’re in the middle of nowhere when I hear the first explosion. I look over my shoulder and see about seven of our guys have hit the ground and others are swerving around their bodies and bikes. I’m trying to get my bike shut down when a bright explosion sends me across the road, sliding on my side and into the way of those still upright behind me. I’m not fully to a stop when everything goes completely black.
CHAPTER 7
HADLEE
Stretching across my bed isn’t as fun when there’s not a warm body to bump into. I’ve gotten used to Slade being in my space, so it’s oddly lonely now that he’s gone. I guess I was lonely before he burst back into my life too… but I’m not thinking about that. Starting this with Slade has become a turning point in my life. There’s life with Slade and then there’s everything before all blurred together.
I manage a shower and have just stepped out of my bedroom when Emma bursts through the door. She’s sobbing hysterically and saying something but I can’t understand a single word. “Slade.” I hear that.
“Slade what? What’s happened, Emma? I need you to slow down so I can hear you.”
“A bunch of them wrecked. I can’t get him to answer.”
“How do you know?”
“It was on the news. Toby called me to see if it was Slade’s club.” I’m frozen in shock. Her words are incomprehensible and can’t possibly be true. He just left and he promised he’d be back. He promised me.
“I’m sure he’s fine. It’s Slade.” I hold her tight while she cries, all the while tears roll down my face and I struggle to breathe around the lump in my throat. “Where did this happen?”
“South of here.”
* * *
The next few days were hell. Emma and I were both frozen in horror, waiting to hear if Slade survived. We found out there were five fatalities and over fourteen were severely injured, yet not a single soul could tell us anything. The police were silent and couldn’t provide any information to us. His name wasn’t listed in the news as one of the five deaths but we still could not reach Slade.
The following months could only be described as numbing. We were both all cried out. Sadness and depression consumed us both and neither of us had the energy to try to revive the other. I couldn’t quit throwing up and my face begin to look sunken in. I decided to go to the doctor to get some medicine to try to keep my food down and found out I was pregnant. I blamed him when I missed three days of my pills before he left. And then once everything happened, I stopped taking them all together.
It’s been four months since the incident and I’ve been trying to understand how someone could just disappear out of my life without a word, yet again. Finding out about the baby has given me a tiny bit of reason to live, so I’ve been trying to eat more but everything makes me so sick.
I need to know what in the hell happened. Is he dead? And if he is then why can’t they just tell us so we can officially grieve the loss of him.
I’m sitting on my bed, contemplating my life when I see one of his t-shirts just barely under the bed. I reach for it and make the mistake of inhaling it. It smells like his cologne. The smell is the trigger I need to get up and go find answers. I dial Emma and hope she’s up for a road trip.
