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That things have gone too far? Or that they haven’t gone far enough?
My head thinks the former, while my heart sides with the latter.
Silent, tense moments pass as we stare at each other.
When Briar comes out a moment later and finds Dean and I standing in silence, she rolls her eyes.
“Say something!” Briar barks at me, slamming her hands on her hips.
“I don’t know what to say,” I argue.
“Say what you want, Caleb. Say exactly what’s on your mind. You’re furious, right? You got that video, and you’re so disgusted and angry with me that you want a divorce. Is that it?”
I flinch as if she’s just slapped me. “A divorce? What the fuck are you talking about?”
“I don’t know,” she says with a shrug. “I don’t know what to expect.”
I know this is on me. I have to be the one to say what I’m thinking, and how I react to this is going to determine everything. Just like always, I set the tone.
So, closing my eyes, I take a deep breath and let everything out.
“I’m not furious. I’m not even fucking mad. I probablyshouldbe, but I’m not. You fucked another man, Briar. And it was the hottest fucking thing I’ve ever seen. Andyou,” I bark, turning toward Dean.
He takes a step closer, his expression so empty it makes me pause. It reminds me so much of Isaac that it hurts. It’s the brave look he gave our father that night, pretending that the daggers of his hatred didn’t nearly kill him.
Words fail me. Fuck, everything fails me at the moment. I don’t know what to think or say. I just know how Ifeel,and I don’t know how to express it.
But I don’t want these two to be afraid of me or my reaction. I want them to know how badly I want them—both of them.
Reaching out, I grab Dean by the back of the neck and bring his forehead to mine. Emotion bubbles to the surface, and for once, I don’t fight against it. He folds easily into my arms, melting into my touch as if he’s grateful for it.
I’m so staggered by how good it feels to touch him, even just in a passionless embrace. It’s liberating and invigorating, and I never want it to end. He breathes heavily through his nostrils as if he feels it, too.
Reaching the other arm toward Briar, I tug her into the fold. Just like he did, she slips comfortably into it.
I don’t understand it. Hell, none of us do, but standing here like this feels right. It’s as if something new is formed, this essence ofus. I felt it that night in his apartment when the three of us were together, but I brushed it off as being a sexual attraction. But it’s so much more.
This thing is magnetic, and the pull is too strong to fight against anymore.
My wife presses her face between our chests as her arms wrap around us like the glue holding us all together.
“I don’t understand any of this,” I whisper.
“Neither do I,” she replies softly.
“I do,” Dean adds. Briar and I look up at him simultaneously, but just as he opens his mouth to reply, the doorbell rings. We quickly leap apart as if we’ve just been caught.
“That’s your mother,” Briar says, looking erratic. “She’s dropping off Abby.”
“Fuck,” I groan because we definitely need to talk about this, but we can’t exactly do that with our six-year-old around.
“We’ll just pick this up later then,” Dean stammers, rubbing the back of his neck. “I have to…go to work anyway.”
I let out a low growl at that statement, and Dean gives me a disgruntled expression.
“This feels like a strange place to leave things, but it’s fine,” Briar says. “We’ll just…talk tomorrow.”
“Fine,” I mutter under my breath.
