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Right now, I’m made of nothing.
My eyes burn as we drive home. Briar sits with me in the back seat. Letting me lay my head in her lap as she holds my hand.
Her touch is my existence, and I need more. I want to bury my face in her hair, wrap my arms around her waist, and tether myself to her so she can never let me go.
I know shock and grief are behind the wheel. My mind has shut itself off to protect me from the pain. I watched my father take his last breath. I stood with him one moment, and the next, I was just…alone. It was just me and his lifeless body in a room.
Now, I am officially nothing to no one. No one’s son. No one’s husband. No one’s father.
I should have felt this coming. We had warning. I knew he was dying, but there is nothing that prepares you for the moment they’re just gone.
Maybe that’s why I’m holding so tightly to Briar. I want to be something to her. And to Caleb. In the life-filled array of things that matter to them, I desperately want to be listed as one.
The caressing touch of her hand tells me I am.
I matter to them.
They want me.
But I need to feel it.
I don’t even realize we’ve reached the house until the door opens and Caleb reaches for me. The moment my feet are on the ground and he’s standing in front of me, his arms around me, he’s squeezing me so tight I can hardly breathe.
Please don’t let go.
I’m crying again, more tears streaking down my face, and when he lets me go, I feel myself drifting away again, so I link my hand with his, and I let him guide me into the house. Briar is in front of us as she leads us up the stairs to the second floor. We go directly into their bedroom and then into the bathroom.
“It’s not big enough for all three of us,” she murmurs.
“I’ll get in with him,” Caleb replies.
Their voices sound far away, but I distantly register that they’re speaking about me. I’m too busy staring numbly at the floor, trying not to absorb anything they’re saying. I want to feel as little as possible. I don’t want to see anything, hear anything, feel anything—but them.
The water in the shower starts, and Briar holds my face as I stare into her eyes.Angel.
“Let’s get you in the shower, okay?”
“Okay,” I mumble. She pulls my shirt over my head and wipes her thumbs across my cheekbones. Then, with sympathy in her eyes, she leans in and kisses me softly on the mouth. Then on each of my cheeks.
She pulls down my pants, and I don’t even have the mental capacity to be self-conscious. My dick hangs lifelessly between my legs, and nothing about this is as sexy as it usually feels when I’m naked with them. I’m just this sad, vulnerable thing they want to take care of.
And I let them.
“We’ve got you,” Caleb’s deep voice whispers in my ear as he tugs me into the shower. The water is hot, but I wish it were hotter so it would burn.
Caleb presses his bare chest against mine and holds me tight against him, stroking my back as I rest my head against his shoulder.
As I stand there and focus only on the sweep of his hand and the feel of his heartbeat, I let him slowly bring me back to life. The contact between us is everything to me in this moment. My entire world.
I press my lips to his neck. At first, it’s a soft peck. Then I open my mouth and lick the moisture from his Adam’s apple up to his jaw. The prickle of his cropped beard against my tongue stings with just enough friction to awaken my senses.
When I reach his mouth, I lick the seam of his lips, and when he parts for me, I plunge my tongue into it, searching for the familiar give-and-take exchange of our kisses. He kisses me back with hesitancy, so I grab the back of his neck and force him to give me more.
There’s a twitch of life in my dick, enough to remind me that I have one. That I’m alive.
“Bite me,” I mumble against his mouth.
I can’t look him in the eyes, but he pulls back enough to stare at my face for assurance.This is really me talking. Please, just give me what I need.
