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I don’t give her time to answer between questions. To Olivia’s credit, she keeps her cool. As she bounces Violet gently in her arms, she gives me a sympathetic look.
“Babies have weak immune systems because they’re brand new to the world,” she explains patiently. “There’s no keeping viruses out or away unless you plan on keeping Violet in a bubble for her entire life.” She smiles. “She’ll be fine. I promise. You don’t have to be worried about her.”
Several things flicker up at once. Relief that it’s nothing serious. Confusion over my own sky-high feelings. Embarrassment that this isn’t something I know how to treat on my own.
I get that feeling I get with Olivia sometimes, though it’s happening more and more often lately. The feeling that I’m being led by the hand down a different road than the one I always thought I’d walk. I could choose to let her keep tugging me that direction…
Or I could fight it.
Guess which one my dumb ass chooses?
“I wasn’t worried,” I scoff. “You weren’t saying shit. Figured I might as well know what you’re doing with my daughter.”
The softness on Olivia’s face flickers to something less pleasant. “I’ve got it from here,” she says stiffly. “So you can go to sleep. I’ll bunk up in here so I can handle her when she gets fussy in the middle of the night.” She goes to put Violet in the crib.
Fuck you, Dalton. You’re a dick. You’re a worthless piece of?—
“If you’re gonna stay in here, so am I.”
Olivia bristles. “Why? You gonna be rude some more?”
I bite back my instinct to fight against that hand pulling me down that invisible road. I’ve fought enough, and every time I do, I see that look on Olivia’s face. It’s not even anger. Maybe it was at first, but not anymore. Now, it’s just disappointment. It’s a pity you’re not a better man than you are, her look says. It’s a pity you’re so insistent on hurting me.
I swallow hard. “No. I want… I wanna help you watch over Violet. I want to learn how to take care of her. Okay?”
Olivia hesitates. It feels like way more than just one night’s sleeping arrangement is hanging in the balance. But after a moment, for some unknown reason, she relents.
“Alright. I’ll bring my stuff in here and I guess you can do the same.”
* * *
Ten minutes later, we’re both bundled on the floor. There’s two layers of extra fluffy comforters beneath us and we have our own pillows and blankets. The only glow in the room is a dim nightlight plugged in not far away and the soft starry lights on the carousel that hangs above Violet’s crib.
I don’t remember getting that. Was it something that Olivia picked up when she was decorating Violet’s room? If so, it was a good choice.
We lie still in silence. Tension threads through the air.
On my back, I stare up at the ceiling. This woman has my head on backwards, sideways, every single way except the way it belongs. She’s right beside me, all cozied up in a makeshift bed, and I want to roll over and touch her. I want to tell her that I appreciate everything that she can do for my daughter that I just don’t seem to be able to do.
I could tell her that. Maybe it would even make a difference.
In the end, though, I say none of it. I just roll over, press my face to the pillow, and go to sleep.
28
OLIVIA
Fingers ghost along the skin of my belly. Up and down, sneaking to my hips. I moan softly, nuzzling my pillow. Sleep grips me still, but that morning horny has me in a chokehold and my mind fills in the blanks.
My hip is claimed in a tight grip. I’m pulled back, and my ass is pressed to something hard. My moan deepens and in my half-sleep, I thank the Sandman for giving me dreams that feel so real.
“Mm. Like that. Keep going,” I egg on.
Lips descend on my throat, covering my pulse in kisses and nips. Warm breath toasts my skin and goosebumps bloom in its wake. As that mouth kisses, nibbles, teases, calloused fingers glide over the waistband of my pajama shorts. As if they read my mind and know how desperate I want them inside, they dip beneath them. They play through the soft hair between my thighs. I can’t help but part them and whimper.
“More.”
“You’re so demanding.”
