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Next, Olivia’s room. No dice.
When all else fails, I hit up the kitchen. Jackpot. She’s in there with Violet, both of their backs to me.
I don’t make a peep at first. Something holds me in my place, quiet and watchful. Olivia has Violet on her hip, bouncing her gently. Olivia’s hair is a wild, beautiful mess where it cascades down her back. My daughter’s own tight, dark ringlets are so pure and glistening. Their laughs intertwine, an octave apart, a harmony that makes my heart clench up tighter than I knew it could.
The sight of them makes me so fucking happy.
It’s then that I laugh. Olivia’s attention swings to me, a moth to flame as she looks my way. Her flush makes me smirk.
“G’morning,” she breathes out, flustered.
“Just ‘g’morning’?’ Not a ‘Sorry for not staying in bed?’ Not a ‘My bad for leaving your side all cold and lonely?’” I play it up, puppy eyes and all.
Olivia doesn’t buy it. Those pretty browns roll, sarcastic.
“You woke up on your own just fine. Besides, I had to get this little one some breakfast.” She nods down to Violet in her arms with a motherly smile. The sight both excites and terrifies me all at once.
I brush off the feeling with another laugh. Can’t panic about the reality of the situation if I play it off.
“Fair enough. You, uh… heading out after you feed her? Day off and all. I figured you had plans.”
It’s only then that it seems to dawn on her that it is a day off for her. Her face flares red. “Oh! Actually, I totally forgot. I had an idea, though…” Olivia hesitates. Her uncertainty is emblazoned all over her face like a bright neon stamp.
My brow goes up and I step closer, curious. “You had an idea for…?”
“I was thinking that maybe we could… spend the day together. You, me, and Violet. I could show you some things. Maybe it’ll help you get to know Violet a little better.”
I blink slowly. I didn’t expect that, so I just stare at her. My first instinct is to bolt. Find a reason or an excuse to just not stick around.
You’re in too deep. She means too much already. Back away, run away, get her the fuck out of your life before she brings this whole house of cards tumbling down.
“I don’t know about that,” I say with a shaky grimace. “I mean, that’s why you’re here, right?”
Her face falls. I hate what it does to that fluttery feeling in my gut: kills it outright.
Then, just before that heartbreak on her face cracks me in two, she stiffens up and sniffles. “I’m her caretaker, not her parent. You should get to know your daughter.”
There’s a seriousness in the air. Part of me feels shame. The other wants to push back against this idea that there’s something wrong with the way that I’m handling the situation with Violet.
“Besides,” she adds, “I wouldn’t think that changing a few diapers would be enough to scare you off. Guess I was wrong.”
I hear the challenge in her voice. My immediate reaction is to rise to it. “I see what you’re doing. But okay, fine. I’ll play ball.”
“Great. Let’s go.” Olivia sets down the empty baby bottle Violet must have finished off before I entered. I trail behind her as she leads the way upstairs, head held high and haughty. The way she holds Violet has the little girl looking over her shoulder. Right at me. Eyes curious and bright.
My own eyes in a child’s face. Staring right back at me. Daring me—to do what, I’m not sure.
“Alright,” Olivia declares when we’re back in Violet’s room. “I’m going to go shower and get dressed. You’re gonna watch Violet while I do.”
“I’m… what?”
“You,” Olivia points to me and continues, “are going to watch her—” She points to Violet. “—while I go shower.” She mimics washing her body like it’s a game of charades.
I roll my eyes. “You’re not funny.”
“Good, because I wasn’t making jokes. All you have to do is watch her. She’s fed and burped. It’s so easy, even you can do it.”
Olivia flits away, and I’m left alone with my daughter.
