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Tell me this. Is it because of my scars?
I’m not sure if it’s the question or the way her lips tremble that has me wanting to drop to my knees and grovel at her feet. Hell, it may be both, or maybe even everything that has transpired in the last twenty minutes. I was so wrong. I couldn’t control myself; I couldn’t keep myself in the truck when the line went dead and I watched her start sobbing. I couldn’t take it. I have to confirm I’m making the right decision—or determine if I’m getting in the way of my own happiness.
As I stand in front of her, I feel as if I am doing the latter. Ruining something before it can even get started. I hurt her, when that is the last thing I want to do. But for her to think I cut this off because of her scars? That pisses me off. I want to ruin the person who hurt her.
“I should be mad at you for even thinking that.”
Her eyes narrow, her cherubic cheeks filling with color as she tips her chin up at me. “Mad at me? Ha! Sure, buddy, whatever you need to say to make yourself feel better.”
She’s incredible. “Channeling your inner brat?” I ask, trying to defuse her wrath, but I think I only make her madder. The furrow between her eyes deepens, and her eyes are dark, pure fire burning deep within. The silence is as menacing as her gaze. “Lou, there isn’t an inch of your body that I don’t want, scars and all. I want you. All of you.” The furrow releases a bit, but not fully. She leans into the ladder behind her, and I want to close the distance between us. I want to gobble her up and ease the error of my ways. “I have and probably always will think you are the most beautiful woman ever created.”
The only reason I know her bottom lip trembles is because I’m watching her lips. She tries to hide it by pressing her teeth into the plump flesh. I watch as her eyes flood with tears, and I hate myself for ever making her think it was her scars.
“I never meant to make you feel like that.”
She shrugs as she looks down to where she is toeing the floor. “Well, I went worst-case.”
“I wish I had done a better job of not causing that to happen.”
“I mean, you were honest.”
I shake my head. “I wasn’t.”
Her eyes snap up to mine. “Huh?”
“I wasn’t honest,” I admit. “I lied through my teeth. Not only to you, but to myself.”
She blinks, confusion swirling deep in her eyes. “Why?”
“Because I’m scared,” I admit, chancing a step toward her. She doesn’t recoil or stop me. Her gaze stays locked with mine as she takes in deep breaths, letting them out through her nose. I should be pleased, but I’m worried I’ve ruined this already. That I rushed myself into what I thought was right.
“You think I’m not scared?” she asks, her eyes staring into mine. “I was minding my own business, hating men and every day falling in love with a new fictional man, but then you came in here, and all I want is you. I have never blindly hooked up with someone quite like we did yesterday.” She shakes her head, looking away, heat creeping up her neck. “I felt this pull inside me for you. I have never wanted anyone the way I wanted you.”
My chest seizes at the past tense of the word. There is so much more I can say, yet I ask, “Wanted?”
She looks up at me and scoffs. “You’re an idiot if you think I’m gonna be vulnerable again.”
I take another step toward her, and I watch as she grips the ladder, her knuckles white. “I’ve blindly hooked up with girls, but I’ve never stayed the way I did yesterday. I feel the pull, Lou. I feel it deeply inside me, and each time I look in your eyes, I want to close the distance between us. To satisfy my pure, raw need for you.”
She swallows, her breath coming out in spurts. “Then why did you say it was a one-time thing?”
“Because that’s all I know. You talk about being vulnerable with someone. I shared things about my family with you, and I don’t do that.”
“Why?”
“I never cared to,” I tell her. “Until you.” Her lips part as I take another step toward her. I need so badly to touch her, to comfort her. “I’m sorry, Lou,” I plead, my fists clenching to keep from gathering her in my arms. She looks like a dream, leaning on the ladder for the taking. I could slide those leggings down her incredibly shapely legs and devour her pussy with my mouth. “Can I touch you?” I ask once more, needing her consent.
Fuck, I need her to want me again.
Her lip trembles, and she shakes her head. “Why?”
“I need to.”
“No,” she corrects, her eyes searching mine as her chest rises and falls with each breath she takes. “Why did you say what you did on the phone?”
My heart stops dead in my chest. Can I truly admit everything about Mikayla? I don’t want to talk about her here; I don’t even want to give her name power in this situation. But I owe it to Lou. I know she deserves an explanation. I lick my lips, exhaling hard. “Can I take you out?”
“What?” she asks incredulously, obviously over my shit. I don’t blame her.
