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Yeah, I don’t like that thought.
Or that possibility.
CHAPTER 29
Ciaran
I park in the back of Dirty Pages, near where Louisa parks, before grabbing my things and getting out. My heart is pounding and my stomach sort of hurts, though I’m unsure why I’m nervous. Or maybe it’s not nerves but rather fear of her rejection. This is why I haven’t put myself out there. This feeling that Mikayla left inside me. The thought that I’m not worthy of someone to care for me or want me how I want them. It’s so much easier to just fuck around, get my pleasure, and be done, but I have realized very quickly that isn’t possible where Louisa is concerned.
It’s terrifying, honestly.
I head through the back door and drop my bag by the door that leads up to her apartment. I hear no chatter from customers or even Louisa herself, only silence, and when I turn the corner, I find her sitting with her knees under her chin and a book in her hands. She has her glasses on, thick red frames that glow against her skin. She only wears them when she struggles with her contacts or when she doesn’t want to wear them. Her lips are parted, her eyes trained on the words she reads, and I swear I’ve never seen anyone so beautiful in my life.
I lean into the wall, watching her, surprised she doesn’t notice me. Then again, she didn’t notice me for months before this, so I shouldn’t be all that shocked. She’s so engrossed in the book, her eyes moving fast as she reads. She’s wearing a huge sweatshirt with leggings, and her tennis shoes are on the floor below her, her toes curled against the edge of her chair. Her hair is up in a messy bun as tendrils fall everywhere along her shoulders, and her face is makeup-free. She looks all homey and comfortable. I want to find a way to sit behind her, hold her, and read as she does.
Jesus, I’ve got it bad for her.
“Must be a good book.”
As soon as the words leave my mouth, I regret not announcing myself. At the sound of my voice, Louisa screams, jerks back, and tumbles to the floor in a heap of limbs, and the book goes flying past her desk. I move instantly, catching the chair before it smacks her as she hits the floor with a thump. She cries out, but when I reach for her to make sure she’s okay, she’s laughing hysterically. The sound is so angelic, so beautiful, and soon, I’m laughing too. I set the chair down to the side, and then I take her hand, lifting her until she comes flush to my chest. Her eyes are bright, a beautiful sea of green and blue as she looks up at me, still giggling.
“You scared the shit out of me!” she accuses, and I kiss the complaint right off her lips. She leans into me, her arms wrapping around my middle as I pull her closer, and within moments, my senses are going nuts. She feels so good in my arms, all thick and warm. She tastes like that lotus drink she likes, and I want to drink from her lips for the rest of my life. I instantly wish I had stopped to get her one of her drinks, just to make her smile.
I pull away before the kiss gets too intense. “I was standing there for five minutes before I said anything,” I explain, checking her over for injuries. It doesn’t appear she has any, and I’m thankful for that. “I didn’t mean to scare you.”
“No worries.” Her fingers dance along my back, and a shiver runs through me, making her grin. “I was really into that book.”
“Is it the new one that comes out tomorrow?”
She gives me a guilty look, her head moving up and down reluctantly. I set her with a look of my own, trying to scold her, but it’s damn hard when she’s pouting like that.
“Which means you started it without me?”
“I did. I shouldn’t have, but I couldn’t help it.”
I look around us, seeing piles of the books that she hasn’t put up yet. “I see that it is preventing you from picking up all the extras and preorders.”
She groans, nodding. “I know. I’m a disgrace.”
“The messiest bookshop owner I know, but also the sexiest.”
She beams, kissing my bottom lip then the corner of my lips. “I took your copy upstairs so we can read tonight.”
I take her ass in my hands, pressing my growing length against her. “So, what you’re saying is we won’t be sleeping.”
She grins, pressing her hips back into mine. My breath hitches as she teases, “Don’t act like you ever plan to sleep here.”
I scoff. “I do, actually, but you’re a tyrant when it comes to my sleep.”
Her laughter is music. “Me? I think you’ve got it all wrong, buddy. I know restraint.”
I laugh at that since we both know neither of us has any sort of restraint when it comes to the other.
“How was your workout?”
As I gaze into Louisa’s eyes, I hate how much I compare her to Mikayla. Or rather, not compare her, but recognize the fact that Louisa is nothing like her. Mikayla never cared, never asked, just wanted to reap the benefits of my career. I know it hasn’t even been a week, but Louisa doesn’t care about anything but me. It’s so fucking refreshing and astonishing.
“Good. Exhausting,” I admit, and she smiles as my heart thuds in my chest. “Cruz asked about you.”
