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“What the hell were you doing?” I ask, my voice softer now. I don’t mean for it to be soft. It just happens. A natural response to the relief flowing through me like cool water. I slide my hand up from her shoulder until both hands are cupping her jaw. Fuck, I missed this face.
“I… I was… You don’t need to know!” she stammers.
Except I do need to know. I need to know everything. I want to know the thoughts in her head before they even take fucking shape.
I know her. I made that whole damn speech about knowing her. But this Deirdre, this woman who holds herself under hot water and doesn’t emerge until she’s forcibly pulled, is someone I don’t recognize, and I need to know her too.
But she’s clamming up. Clamping down. I can see it in the shifting of her gaze, the pursing of her lips.
And I do the only thing I can think to do in that moment. Because apparently I’ve lost my ever loving mind.
“Five hundred thousand.”
Her eyes go wide. Miles and miles of blue under those lashes.
“What?”
“Tell me what you were really doing. Five hundred thousand for the truth.”
She stares at me for a beat, the only sound our breathing in tandem.
“Are you serious?”
“One million.”
If I weren’t cradling her jaw in my hands I’m pretty sure it would have dropped. If past me could see me now, his jaw would be dropping, too. Taking one million off her debt, just like fucking that. Unreal.
“Fine,” she says with a stiff nod against my fingers. “I was holding my breath.”
I give her a flat look.
“No shit, you were holding your breath. You think I’m going to shave seven figures off your debt for that obvious little announcement?”
She looks indignant now, proud and annoyed, and it makes my dick hard. I want to crowd against her, drag it against her belly, but I hold myself back. For now.
“Tell me,” I urge. My mouth is so close to hers that every inhale is her exhale and vice versa. Breathing each other in.
“I just…” Her words brush my lips, and I stiffen. “I really was just holding my breath.”
“But why? Why for that long?” I’d been excruciatingly aware of every second it had taken me to get up here. She was under well over a minute. That shit isn’t comfortable. Nobody holds their breath that long for no reason.
Her next words come out in a rush. “I just like the way it feels, OK? There! I swear to God, you’d better pay me what you owe because that’s the truth. If you don’t-”
“You like the way it feels?” My dick twitches. “Which part? The not being able to breathe part? Or the part when you come up for air?”
“Both,” she whispers, flushing so fiercely that the redness goes down her neck, spreading over her chest, leading my gaze to her tight, round nipples.
And suddenly, I understand what she’s saying.
I know exactly why she did it.
“Does it make you come?”
When she tenses, but doesn’t reply, I know I have my answer. I drag my right hand down and palm the front of her throat, not exerting pressure. Just the whisper of a promise.
“It’s not safe to do that by yourself.”
“Safe?” she laughs the word, and I feel the vibration beneath the leather and scars. “Like anything about this situation is safe.”
