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How many times has it been a lie?
Valentina squints at me for a long moment, and I muster a tight smile. Then she sighs.
“Papà doesn’t like when Elio and Curse drop off the map like this. Neither of them are answering our texts or calls. Although…” Her eyes brighten, like she’s just gotten a wicked idea. “Maybe if you texted Elio, he’d actually deign to answer.”
“Yeah, right. He didn’t even tell me he was leaving in the first place. And I don’t even have his number,” I say, and the words come out much more bitter than anticipated. I wonder if Valentina notices that. If she does, she mercifully doesn’t comment on it.
“I can give you his number. I bet if you texted or called him right now, he really would reply.”
Honestly, screw that. Yes, I want to see him, but I’m also more and more pissed that he just waltzed out of here and away from me. I’m not pathetic enough to call him after that.
Before I can stop her, Valentina’s grabbed my phone out of my back pocket.
“Hey!” I say, stretching my hand for it. But she hustles out of reach.
“Relax. I just want to add Elio’s number to your contacts. What’s the passcode?”
I clench and unclench my fists, deciding if I should unlock my phone for her or not. I don’t need Elio’s number in my phone. It’s not like I’ll ever use it.
But… maybe…
Maybe it might be nice just to know it’s there.
“I’ll unlock it.”
She holds up the phone for me, and I draw the pattern to unlock it. Valentina goes to my contacts and starts typing. Once she’s typed in Elio’s number, she hands it back, leaving the name field blank. Still annoyed with this whole situation, I name the contact Monster.
At the last moment, without even knowing why I do it, I add My in front of it.
“I added my number in there as well,” Valentina tells me.
I look, and see her number and name, along with a glittery heart and kissing lips emoji at the end.
“Look, I’m not gonna make you call or text Elio, but if you do, and he responds, would you let me know?”
I have absolutely no intention of calling or texting him, but I nod anyway.
“Thanks,” she says with a smile.
For a second, I almost ask her to stay. To hang out with me, distract me. But before I know it, she’s gotten her bottle of balsamic and has disappeared back out into the snowy night.
I stay in the living room a while longer. There’s a massive TV down here, and I turn it on and stare at it blindly. I think it’s a cooking show. Or maybe a travel show. I’m so disconnected I don’t even know. The entire time, Robbie watches me, and when I can’t stand his eyes on me anymore I trudge back up the stairs, heading through Elio’s room into mine. My laptop has long since gone to sleep, and the lights are off, making the room dark and still. And empty.
Coming back up here alone was a mistake. Because it’s dark just like that night was dark. Dark until headlights shone through our windshield, forcing my mom to crank the wheel and send us careening off the road. I can still hear her yelp of terrified shock, the rapid turning of the steering wheel. I don’t remember the impact of the crash itself. Just the breathless moments before. The pure terror of sliding and sliding and not being able to stop. The tires didn’t squeal. They made this wet grinding sound across the snow and slush, and it fills my head until I’m desperate to hear anything, anything besides that sound.
I don’t even know what the hell I’m doing when I fish my phone shakily out of my pocket. I don’t call Valentina. I don’t try calling Willow.
I call my monster.
And he answers on the very first ring.
“Songbird,” he drawls silkily.
I don’t even realize I’m crying until I hear the thick tears in my voice when I reply.
“Elio.”
The smooth satisfaction of his voice vanishes. His next words come out sharp and strained.
