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Chapter Fourteen
PHEONIX
10 Years Ago
I want to ask Layden to hold me again when I get back from the job Vlad had for me. But I don’t. I can’t. That would feel like I was asking for—Like I was expecting or thinking we could be—
Anyway, even though Layden’s still up when I get back, still noodling in the computer lab, probably ready to hack into the Pentagon, considering how quickly he picks things up, I just tell him I’m tired and need to go to bed.
He stops me with a hand on my bicep. He doesn’t grab or yank or any of the other forms of physical intimidation I’m used to from my grandfather. His touch is light, and he immediately pulls away. Never taking without asking.
“Are you all right?” he asks, his speech so formal and his eyes so honest and open. Good. He’s so good.
God, all I want is his arms around me again.
But tonight, I went into the office of another good man and compelled him to ignore all his good intentions and allow the corruption he was about to expose. Because if he did that, it would upset the systemic hold my grandfather has on this city, this country. Vlad controls the entire network of police, government officials, important CEOs, and the media—everyone who’s anyone. The man tried to resist me at first. Some of the stronger ones do. But within moments, he was bowing and all but worshipping at my feet. He would have if I stuck around long enough.
It makes me feel disgusting. Ugh.
So, as much as I want to throw myself into Layden’s arms, I can’t. Because it would feel like I was… tainting him. I need to go take a shower.
“Knock off whenever you want. I’m tired, so I’m heading to bed.”
He nods, but I can still see the concern in his eyes. “Do you want a hug?”
My throat burns with tears I refuse to shed. I shake my head. “Thanks. Not tonight,” I manage to get out, afraid I’ll crack. All but running, I finally make it to the shower and crank it as hot as it will go.
I step in and scrub myself clean of the night. But as the suds wash out of my hair and down my body, my mind starts to stray. What if, in another world, I had let Layden hug me again?
I wrap my arms around myself in the hot water and pretend they’re his. In the shower, I can pretend the water running down my face isn’t tears. I close my eyes and try to remember the safety I felt in his arms. I pretend I can hear the rumble of his voice in my ear, telling me everything will be fine. That I’m safe now. I feel his chest against my cheek.
Everything in my body relaxes and unclenches. The tension and fear of the night release. He makes me feel so good.
I could make you feel even better, the ghost of his voice whispers in my head.
With my eyes closed, in the safety of my shower, I let myself dream what can never be dreamed outside these four steaming glass and marble walls.
My hand slips down my belly. I hiss as my fingers dip lower. Again, I imagine his voice. I will make everything better. Shhh, forget everything except my touch.
Eyes closed, I obey.
I forget everything except his imagined touch. And then it becomes his fingers tentatively seeking my sex. Those strong hands that held the ax, chopping wood outside the cabin, would be curious but still somehow knowledgeable as he explored me. He would learn the language of my body as quickly as he did the computer coding.
His finger is inside me now, and I gasp into the shower spray, one hand on the wall, my back arching. I have to bite my lip to keep from crying out his name. Maybe it’s wrong to fantasize about him like this when he’s just in the other room, but that only makes me pull my fingers out and roll them around my clit harder, imagining it’s him.
You feel so good, he’d say, kissing along my throat. I dream about being inside you.
I’ve never had anyone inside me before. I’ve never trusted anyone that much. He’s so experienced he must have been with tons of women. I trust him to use that experience well to pleasure me. I trust him. I trust him.
My sex clenches around my fingers.
That is so good, he hisses. I want to slide inside you and make you mine.
“Yes,” I gasp into the water.
You saved me, and now I’ll save you back. He’s so hard. I imagine what he would feel like against my sex and insert another finger. Three fingers inside me, and I know it would be nothing like his cock but still.
You feel so good on my cock. I’m going to fuck you now, and you will belong to me forever. Me alone.
