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I already knew she appeared content when no one was around. There hadn’t been a day when I didn’t check in on her from afar.
She nodded. “Yeah,” then a soft laugh escaped between her lips. It was hard not to stare at them and imagine the things I’d like to do to her mouth. “This place is wonderful. I just…I can’t just stay here. I will run out of money soon, and I need to pay for rent, pay for groceries.”
“Maeme doesn’t need or want your money. She wants you safe. That’s all. Don’t get focused on all the details. Accept this and know you being back here is what she wants.”
The rest she couldn’t know. When she did, she’d hate me for it. She’d hate us all.
When she turned her focus back to me, it felt like someone had kicked me in the gut. The trust shining in them I didn’t deserve, but, damn, I wanted to. Her sea-green eyes were so full of things they didn’t need to be. Not when directed at me.
I dropped my gaze to her lips. The top one being slightly fuller than the bottom. She was naturally beautiful. I’d seen it in the photos before I met her, and even when I had found her swollen and bruised, it hadn’t hidden it. Men had still flocked to her, and she’d been so clueless as to why.
Her lips parted, and a small quick intake of breath brought my attention back to her eyes, only to see she was staring at my mouth, just as I had been hers. I’d never been one to ignore temptation. I enjoyed taking what I wanted, when I wanted it.
I cupped her face and ran my thumb over her bottom lip. She shivered and leaned closer to me.
Several things ran through my head in that moment. Unfortunately, the reason why I could never touch this woman was leading the pack. I had been ordered not to, and she needed more than I would ever give her. I wanted things she couldn’t handle.
The look in her eyes right now was killing me, but I’d done this. Being here and letting her see the good side of me. Pretending around her. Not letting her know who I really was. To save her from feeling any more, I had to stop this bullshit. I would not hurt her. She couldn’t feel things for me. If she was starting to, then that was on me, and I had to put an end to it before it was too late. It was time she got to see the real me. Not the nice guy I was showing her.
I dropped my hands from her and moved back, unable to look her in the eyes. If she was upset, I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself. This was for the best. This was what she needed even if she wasn’t aware of it.
Standing, I turned to look out the window. “Storm’s over. I need to go check the property,” I said, breaking the silence, then focused on the door. Escaping. Getting out before I messed up even more.
• eighteen •
“Something a touch larger.”
Rumor
There had been no Sunday breakfast due to storm cleanup, and I wasn’t sure if I was relieved that I didn’t have to face King or disappointed. He’d not been back since he had run out three days ago after I thought he might kiss me. I had found myself looking for his truck and going outside more often than normal.
Yesterday, there had been someone out, riding a horse, and I had watched them for over an hour. Something about the way the rider sat on the horse reminded me of King. I had been sure it was him, but if it had been, he’d have ridden over to the fence and spoken to me, right?
I had replayed the scene on the sofa a million times, it seemed. He’d looked at me as if he was going to kiss me. He stared at my lips like he wanted to. Or had it all been in my head? Had it been me wanting him to kiss me so badly that I imagined he wanted the same? It was driving me crazy, thinking about it. If he had wanted to, wouldn’t he have stayed or at least come back to see me?
None of this was making sense, and the more I worried over it, the more I began to realize it was pointless.
He knew what I’d done. He knew I was married. I shook my head, attempting to clear my thoughts. Stop thinking about King. Why would I even allow myself to think about a man after what I had lived through? It was careless.
Today, I needed to do some laundry. That was productive. It was something other than thinking about King. It would keep me from thinking about texting him. Although he had mentioned that he expected me to. Perhaps I should.
NO! I had to stop this.
I would wash the clothes, although I had to get them to Maeme’s somehow. That would be a reason to contact him. But seeing as he hadn’t stopped by, I feared he was avoiding me. Walking a mile, carrying my clothing, didn’t sound like a good idea. I considered washing them by hand and using the clothing line out back to dry them as I stood on the front porch with my cup of coffee.
A new horse and rider were out today, and it sounded as if they were getting closer. I turned to watch and realized they were headed directly for the fence that separated us. Maybe that was him. Curious, I stepped down the stairs just as they reached the wooden barrier. The rider reached up and took off his cowboy hat, then waved at me.
Sebastian Shephard. I hadn’t seen him again since the library.
I waved back just as he motioned for me to come over. I set my cup down on the railing, then made my way down the stairs and across the yard. Sebastian had put his hat back on his head and was saying something to the horse as he leaned down over it.
“How’d you like the book?” he asked me when I was close enough.
“It was fascinating. I read it in one day,” I admitted. But then I’d been reading most books in one day lately. I had enough time for it.
He was clearly pleased to hear it. His smile said as much.
“What book are you reading now?”
