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Her heart ached at his seemingly instant regret. “I say we just forget this happened.” Such a ridiculous, futile, stupid, and impossible notion. They had tried that before.
“What does this mean, Amanda? Why did you do that?”
“I don’t know.”
“You know.”
Silence fell between them like a lead weight, dragging them both down into their respective thoughts.
She took a shuddering breath. “I got caught up thinking how this job makes us so vulnerable, and there’s so much uncertainty.”
“So you kissed me because you were feeling your mortality?” His words came as a slap to her face.
The back of her neck tightened, and her cheeks heated. She squared her shoulders. “As you said, you’re to blame too.”
“Pft. Unbelievable.” He pivoted and swept out the front door.
Her stupid mouth had opened, words tumbled out, and she’d managed to make things worse. She stood there, cursing her stupidity and impulsiveness. There was no justification for what she had done. After a few beats, she went upstairs to retrieve the threats, cash, and passport. Once she was armed with those, she reengaged the security system and locked up.
Through the car window, she saw Trent slapping his palms against the steering wheel, not the exaggerated movements of a temperamental person in a rage, but someone who was battling frustration. This was all her fault. All because she’d acted on a damn impulse. Her life was usually so well structured, every decision premeditated. Just this once she’d left the rails and look where it had gotten her. Sadly, the immediate consequences would bloom into awkwardness and regret. Trent was her partner. He had her back, and she had his. He understood her better than she did herself sometimes and even he was put at a loss by her actions. But no wonder. She hadn’t played according to script.
Amanda glanced back at the house, wanting to put off the conversation that needed to happen. Also the genuine apology she owed him. It wasn’t a secret how Trent felt about her, about her relationship with Logan, and she’d just toyed with his heart.
Nancy Orr stepped onto her front stoop and waved a solemn goodbye. Amanda dipped her head in response, loaded into the passenger seat, and did up her belt.
Trent had the car running, and heat was seeping from the vents, but he didn’t pull out of the driveway. He wasn’t looking at her either.
She pinched her eyes shut. “I can’t apologize enough. What I did was uncalled for and unprofessional.”
“Jeez, Mandy. Unprofessional? Is that what you’re going to hurl at me?” He looked over her, the pain in his eyes transforming them into a cold deep blue.
“I just mean that we’re partners. On the job,” she was quick to add.
“Right. I see you how you saw fit to emphasize that point.”
She opened her mouth, but words failed her.
“Were you thinking at all? You’re with Logan. Whatever our feelings, they need to be left unexplored. And that’s fine, I get it. I even started accepting it.” He smacked the wheel again and shook his head.
She wanted to reach out to soothe him but resisted the urge to make physical contact. It would only make things worse. “It will never happen again.”
“No. It won’t.” He started to drive, and she couldn’t get herself to ask where he was taking them.
Her heart was beating in an uneven rhythm, and a headache was moving in. The tension in the car was suffocating. She’d done this to them, all because she let her thoughts carry her away, sweeping her into a frenzy of fear and uncertainty about the future. She’d leaned on Trent, when she should have turned to Logan, and that wasn’t fair. In fact, she’d have hurt two men she cared about once she came clean to Logan. But what was she going to tell him? Did she want to break things off and talk with Trent about pursuing whatever sparks existed between them? An ache burned in her chest, because if she were being honest with herself, her feelings for Trent were the real deal.
FIFTEEN
Not knowing where Trent was taking them compounded the tension in the car. Was he taking them to Manassas for Leah Bernard’s autopsy? If so, they’d be at least thirty minutes late. It was 10 AM and due to start now. Regardless of their destination, Amanda could hardly wait to get there. Being confined to a vehicle, and so close to him, was intense. The air pulsed with an electrical current of conflicting emotions. Regret and excitement clashed as did anger and happiness. For her, she was also confused about what this meant for her relationship with Logan. If she loved him as much as she thought, then she wouldn’t be kissing her partner.
Amanda tried to focus on the road, and soon recognized the route they were on. A few minutes later, Trent pulled into a spot at Central and turned the car off. She reached for the door, but he didn’t move. It had her hesitating and looking over at him.
“I’m seeing someone,” he said, his voice low. When she hadn’t responded for a few seconds, he glanced over.
“Well, that’s good.” She pressed on a smile, but it was weak and had faltered before it fully formed.
“I shouldn’t have kissed you and vice versa.”
“I think we’ve covered that.” She hated being so full of guilt and just wanted it to go away, along with the memory of what had happened. Forgetting and moving forward would have to work for her.
