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“Sorry, but I don’t see how piercing your dick makes sex better.”
“Everything’s more sensitive. Trust me, when she wraps her lips around your cock, you’ll be thanking me.”
“That’s a hard pass. No matter how much better it may be, I’m not suffering for the pleasure.”
I tipped my cup at him. “See, that’s why you’ll never be as good of a husband as I am. You have to sacrifice for your woman.”
“I think I’ve sacrificed plenty. Tell me something, why is it that everyone’s getting a Prince Albert?”
“Who’s everyone?”
“You, Rob, Cazzo…”
“That’s three people. That’s hardly everyone.”
“Seems like it,” he grumbled. “And you all wax together. It’s weird.”
“I caught you in a bath listening to Barry Manilow.”
“Hey, Mandy is a great song. There is nothing wrong with what I was listening to.”
“No, but there is something wrong with you listening to it by candlelight while you have bubbles all around you.”
“The candles were helping me relax,” he argued.
“And the bubbles?”
He flushed slightly, turning away from me. “They make my skin feel good.” I burst into laughter. “They do! And it was made with lavender, which is great for relaxing. Our job is stressful. There’s no harm in finding a way to unwind.”
“Not in a bubble bath.”
“Oh, please. This coming from the man who was wearing a fitness tracker.”
“Yeah, for my health,” I argued.
“Don’t think I didn’t hear that British chick talking to you, congratulating you for getting your ten thousand steps in. Gabe, you’re doing such a great job. Keep up the good work,” he said mockingly.
“So I like a woman with a British accent. What’s wrong with that?”
“Nothing, unless you’re masturbating to it,” he smirked.
Suddenly, I wasn’t so confident. How the hell did he know that? It wasn’t like I was cheating on Isa, but she wasn’t around as much lately, and I needed some release. Cressida was a faceless woman I could get some pleasure from without feeling like I was cheating on my wife.
“You have no proof.”
“Oh, but I do.” He shoved away from the counter and walked around to my side, grabbing the coffee mug from my hand. “I recall a certain night not too long ago when I came over to play Go Fish with you. I walked up the steps to your door and noticed hardly any lights were on, which was strange for the time of night. And when I knocked, you didn’t hear me. Thinking that something might be wrong, I let myself in and cleared the bottom floor before continuing upstairs.”
My nostrils flared in anger. “You didn’t.”
“Oh, I did. I’ll never forget the sound of her voice—or yours, for that matter—as you jerked off to her. Cressida!”
I didn’t even think as I lunged forward and wrapped my hand around his throat, taking him to the ground. He laughed the whole fucking time, even when my coffee went flying from my hands, crashing to the ground. I sat on him, choking the life out of him as he continued to mock me. All I had to do was end it now and no one would ever know my secret.
“What the fuck is going on in here?” Chance shouted.
With my hands still wrapped around Jackson’s throat, I looked up at my team leader and tried to think of a way to play this off. I shoved off Jackson and stood. “Nothing. Just a disagreement.”
Jackson rolled to his side, still laughing at me. “Yeah, just a disagreement.”
