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“Matteo, do you want to go see grandpa today?” I ask him after we finish for the day. I don’t know if we actually have made any progress on the actual wedding. Originally, I wasn’t planning on asking if he wanted to see my father today, but if I don’t get away from Enzo, he’s looking at me like he might want to eat me alive.
Matteo thinks about it. Ever since he talked to me, I’ve been asking him if he wants to see my father before I take him to go see him. I hadn’t realized how uncomfortable my father had been making Matteo. I’ve been putting up with my father’s surly attitude and bad moods for Matteo’s sake, but I won’t make Matteo suffer through them.
“We can go see him, mama,” he tells me. He gives me a sure nod of the head and grabs my hand to lead me down the hallway. For the past three days he hasn’t wanted to see him, and I haven’t gone either.
The guards at the door greet us. It’s been a rotating schedule, but I know the guards are all close confidants of the Lombardi family. I’m sure with time I’ll learn all of their names.
My father’s smile when he sees Mateo enter the room is large and genuine. It transforms his face, turning him into the once loving father I used to know.
Despite his love for Matteo, I don’t think my father has ever forgiven me for getting pregnant with him. It was a slap in the face. Years of hard work as a single father, sending me to the best schools and making sure I took part in the right activities, were all flushed down the drain the second that positive popped up. He couldn’t brag about his daughter going to Brown and following in his footsteps to become a lawyer.
I went from being his biggest pride to being his biggest disappointment.
Matteo runs into his arms, wrapping him into a hug. My father’s smile turns into a scowl when he catches sight of the ring on my finger. Matteo, the ever observant little boy, notices the change in his demeanor immediately. He wiggles out of his hold and runs to my side, pressing himself into my legs.
“What the hell is that?” His voice is so loud that it alerts the guards in the hallway. They peek into the room, hands on their weapons. I signal to them we’re alright, but it doesn’t calm them. They leave our sight, but I know they aren’t straying far from their post.
“I’m not talking to you about this. I’ve made my decision,” I tell him.
“You’ve made your decision,” he scoffs. He shakes his head and walks over to the couch in front of the TV. Matteo glances at me, but when I nudge him, he moves over to his grandpa who is putting on a Disney movie for the two of them to watch. I contemplate leaving, knowing that’s what my father would prefer, but decide to stay in case Matteo needs me. I never thought I’d have to protect my kid from their grandfather, but the toxins from our relationship are leaking over the edges and affecting everyone around us.
At some point, the small cracks in our relationship became a gaping chasm. I can’t pinpoint exactly when it happened. My pregnancy had been a shock to him, and telling him that Enzo was the one who had gotten me pregnant had gotten worse. He didn’t come to visit after I told him I was naming him Matteo. Then there was when I pursued a degree in social work instead of pre-law.
Every time I make a decision my father doesn’t approve of, he freezes me out more. The warmth of our relationship is gone, and it’s only bloodlines and family ties that keep me coming back to him.
The awkward atmosphere doesn’t get any better as the movie progresses. By the time it’s done, both Matteo and I flee the room, wanting far away from my father’s poorly attitude.
Chapter Thirty-Four- Emma
Despite our meeting ending over an hour earlier, more people have shown up in the living room. And the wedding is still a hot topic. Enzo’s aunts join in on the debate of color choices and what season to have the wedding in. They’re always so lively. Whenever you get more than two of the women in the same room as each other, it turns into an event. Sometimes that event is a brawl, like the morning when Alessia caught Mia using her hair products. Yet there is always an undercurrent of love.
And there’s Alice. Alice is the grandmother I have always wanted for Matteo, even when I refused to acknowledge the fact it would be nice to have some more support. I’ve latched on to any older woman who showed me and Matteo kindness. Neighbors, women from the church I would occasionally attend, and sometimes the grandmothers who frequented the park near us. My aunt did the best she could, but she was limited. She was a woman who never wanted children, and she had given up most of her own life to help raise me. I couldn’t ask for her to give more of it up to help me with Matteo.
“Mama, you still wanted to take Matteo to the mall for some new shoes?”
I didn’t realize Enzo had seen me walk into the room, but his eyes lock on me when I look up. The same heated gaze he had earlier is present, and it makes me feel exposed.
Alice nods her head enthusiastically as she answers. I don’t hear exactly what she says. I’m too busy focusing on not embarrassing myself in front of Enzo’s family.
“Maybe this afternoon. You can go pick out some shoes, maybe a few new outfits,” Enzo suggests. Bianca giggles while Mia makes gagging noises. Enzo’s intention of sending away our young son is not lost on them.
Alice’s eyes gleam with something wicked when she answers. “Of course, I’ll take Matteo. I don’t need the excuse of shoe shopping. Consider this a standing offer. Matteo can come to me whenever you need him to, especially if it means I get another grandchild.”
Sofia, Andy’s mother, gasps. “That’s not fair! Trying to get a second grandchild before I’ve gotten my first!” She shoots a pointed look in Bianca’s direction. Bianca rolls her eyes at her mother-in-law, but a small smile plays on her lips.
Enzo thinks he wants to fill the household with babies, but I’m not sure yet. During pregnancy and childbirth, I was fortunate with Matteo. The morning sickness had been an inconvenience, labor was relatively uneventful, and all-in-all it wasn’t an experience that had scared me off. Somewhere along the line, between the late nights as a single mom and never having an interest in finding a life partner, I had resigned myself to having only one child. Now I have adjusted to that life and that expectation, the thought of another child is daunting.
Everything is different now. Once upon a time, I had wanted a big family, and maybe when I get more comfortable, I will want a big family again. For now, it’s been too long of being just the two of us. I’m adjusting to everyone else. Another child would be overwhelming, and I don’t want Matteo to feel replaced.
The conversation turns away from our nuptials and to Bianca and Andy’s. I learned Sal is responsible for arranging or approving marriages. Most marriages among mafia families are for business dealings, but Sal is more concerned with the happiness of his family members. Alice claims he puts a lot of thought into who would be a good match for Andy, but apparently, Bianca tried to murder Andy once or twice early in their marriage.
“Andy needed someone who could kick his ass. Anyone else and he would have been bored within a week,” Alice teases her. Sofia nods her head in agreement.
I think I laugh at all the correct places and make the right facial expressions while listening to the back-and-forth banter between the family members. Everyone else ignores how Enzo doesn’t engage at all. They also ignore the times my eyes catch him and I become a flustered mess, unable to participate in a basic conversation.
“Well,” Enzo says, standing up from the table suddenly. He draws eyes towards him, but he doesn’t acknowledge any of them. Matteo has long lost interest in participating in the adult conversation, and he has set himself up on his Nonna’s lap with action figures she had bought from him. “We’ll do this again soon. Mama, I don’t expect we’ll be seeing you back until dinnertime?”
Alice lets out a sharp bark of laughter. “Dinner time? Well, aren’t you confident in your stamina?”
