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I cross my arms, waiting for him to figure it out.
“You started sleeping with my sister back then?”
That was literally the first time. Not that Flip needs the specifics.
“What’s your plan with Rix, huh? You don’t do relationships. The last girl you dated lasted all of what, two months before you tossed her out? What’s your record? Three and a half months? Rix has had three long-term boyfriends, all of them for at least a year. She does monogamy and stability, and you can’t give her either. Or is this your attempt at settling down?”
I rub my bottom lip, the sting of his words hard to take. He knows me better than anyone. Knows my history, what I’m like. I want Bea to talk to me. I want her to stay. I want this to not just be about sex, but maybe he’s right. Maybe I can’t be what she needs. “She doesn’t want anything serious.”
“Is that what she said? Was that your agreement? You were going to bone each other until what? I found out?” I open my mouth to speak, but he holds up a hand. “You know what? It doesn’t matter. I know you, man. You don’t commit. I can’t see you starting now.”
“That’s not fair.” Just because I haven’t doesn’t mean I don’t think about it. Or want it. I just don’t trust that I can have it, or that it can last, and Flip’s lack of faith underscores those worries.
“Dude, don’t talk to me about fair,” Flip counters. “I have been there for you. My whole family has been there for you—including my sister, even though you treated her like shit half the time, even when we were kids. Hell, my parents half raised you before your mom bailed. We’ve always treated you like family. Always. And you turn around and sleep with my sister?” His lip curls. “I know what you’re like. What you like. I know exactly how you are. I’ve seen it. So you can say I pressured you or whatever, but you can’t tell me you didn’t get down and dirty right along with me.” He shoves two fingers into my chest. “You better not fuck her up, or I’ll fuck you up right back.” He turns around and disappears into his bedroom.
“Shit.” I run my hands through my hair. Guilt rolls my stomach. Over the lies. Over the betrayal. Because I’m too chickenshit to admit what I really want.
Giggles filter through Flip’s door.
I wait for Bea to come out of the bathroom. When she finally does, she’s freshly showered and smells like everything I want. She looks exhausted, though. I know the feeling. I’ve slept like shit the past couple of nights.
She tips her head back to look at the ceiling but doesn’t say anything. When I raise my hand to touch the bruise on her cheek, she twists her head away and puts both hands up.
“I’m sorry I panicked. I should’ve stopped you from falling.” I should have done a lot of things.
She shakes her head. “A bruised cheek isn’t the issue, Tristan.”
I swallow past the lump in my throat. Memories I’ve worked to keep in a box surface. “There’s nothing you can do. I’m leaving.” I should have handled things differently. But I didn’t, and I don’t know how to fix it. “You don’t have to stay in the loft, Bea. You can stay in my room.”
“Why?” Her gaze shifts to the side. “So you can drown out the sound of their orgasms with mine? So you don’t have to deal with feeling like shit for the choices you wish you didn’t make? Thanks, but no thanks.” She brushes by me and heads for the loft.
The rejection is acid burning through my veins. I could give her my room. I could sleep in the loft so she can have some peace tonight. “I could?—”
She cuts me off with a wave of her hand. “I don’t want anything from you.” She disappears up the ladder.
I don’t stop her. I don’t know what to do anymore. I want her. I want to wrap my arms around her and make her stay with me. But I can’t be what she needs. And she was always going to leave.
An hour later, I stealthily open my bedroom door, partly to see if Flip is still going strong, and also because I can hear Bea talking, and I want to eavesdrop on the conversation.
“I fell face-first into the freaking floor. There’s a stupid bruise… Yeah, it wasn’t the best. I thought Flip was out all morning, but apparently not. Yeah…yeah. I wouldn’t be in this situation if I’d moved out last month.”
Silence follows. “Flip is being an asshole, and Tristan is…it’s a mess all the way around.” She sighs. “I wish I could come for a visit, too. Maybe soon. Then I won’t have to miss you so much or deal with my idiot brother losing his shit over my sex life. The double standard is unreal.” Another pause. “Yeah, my boss did mention a position out your way.” She laughs. “It wouldn’t be the worst idea.”
