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“It could happen, though. And it’s not like Bea is going to come with me if I have to move.”
“Dude, it’s months away. Have you talked about it with her? Asked her what she wants? I mean, come on. Stop burying your head in the sand and just admit you’re in love with her.” We stare at each other for a few long, painful seconds before he shakes his head. “I always knew your mom leaving fucked you up, but I didn’t realize how badly until now. You broke up with Rix because you’re afraid she’ll bail if things get hard. So you did it first.”
“She would leave eventually. I’ll fuck it up.”
“Congratulations, you’ve already managed to do that by breaking her fucking heart, you idiot!” Roman snaps. “She sobbed for hours after you left. Peggy said she was beside herself. She couldn’t figure out what she did wrong.”
“I can’t give her what she needs. I can’t be what she needs,” I say.
Flip raises a hand before Roman can rip my head off again. “Look, I get that you’ve got some real hang-ups about relationships because of your mom, and they’re totally understandable. But Rix isn’t the type of person to up and bail. It’s not who she is. So don’t blow it because you’re too afraid to face what you already know. She’s it for you.” He sighs.
“I know what it’s like to have your heart ripped out of your chest, and that’s what you did to Rix. Maybe you should try telling her how you feel instead of circling the issue and wallowing in a pit of despair,” Flip adds. “I know what you’re like, man. You avoid conflict. It’s the reason it took you falling for my fucking sister to finally tell me you didn’t want in on all the bedroom parties. And I’m sorry for that, man. I should have realized you were going with the flow.” He seems genuinely apologetic.
I don’t have a chance to respond, because a woman in a sequined dress rushes over.
“Flip! Oh my God! I thought it was you!”
He gives her a chin tip. “Hey, how you doing? You’re looking hot tonight.” He slides out of the booth and offers her his arm. “I gotta hit the bathroom. You wanna keep me company?”
She giggles and slips her arm through his. “Of course I do.”
Hollis watches them leave with a disbelieving look on his face. “He’s going to fuck her in the bathroom, isn’t he?”
“Probably. Yeah.” I gulp my scotch.
If Bea was here, we’d probably be on the dance floor together. It was always extended foreplay, and then I’d get her home and naked. Afterward, I’d feed her snacks in bed, and she’d fall asleep tucked against my side. And my arm would always fall asleep, but I’d deal with the pins and needles because I didn’t want her to move. Because all I want is to be near her—however she’ll take me. Or I would have, before I broke up with her.
I let Flip’s words sink in. Did I really push her away? Did I sabotage myself because I’m too fucking afraid of my own feelings? Did I put words in her mouth because I’m the one who believes I’m not worth staying for?
“You’re a fucking pussy,” Roman says.
“Tell me how you really feel,” I grumble into my glass.
“Oh, here we go,” Hollis says.
“I called you out on this months ago. Fucking months,” Roman says. “I was sure you were going to fuck things up by not being honest with Flip, and I was right. Because Rix ended up moving in with Peggy. And who helped you get your head out of your ass back then?”
“You did,” I admit grudgingly.
“Well, here’s another one: relationships are hard and messy and sometimes they’re scary as fuck, but don’t end one because you’re too fucking scared to admit how you feel to her and yourself.”
It’s like he’s inside my goddamn head. “What if she doesn’t feel the same?”
“What if she does?” Hollis counters. “What if you’re everything she’s been looking for? What if you’re it for her? Are you really going to let her walk away without a fight?”
“She’s in Vancouver.” What if she decides to stay? What if her visit becomes permanent?
“And?” I’ve never seen Hollis look this annoyed. “What the fuck is wrong with you? You have the chance to be with the one person you really want, and you’re still sitting here like a dejected asshole. Not all of us are that lucky. Go get her back, dipshit.”
Flip returns with messed-up hair and lipstick prints on his shirt. “What’d I miss?”
“I gotta go.” I knock back the rest of my scotch, which probably isn’t my best move, and slide out of the booth.
“Go where?”
“The airport.”
“Halle-fucking-lujah,” Hollis mutters.
“Go get her.” Roman claps me on the shoulder and tucks something in my pocket. “That’s the name of a therapist. When you get back, do yourself a favor and make an appointment. You getting your head out of your ass is only step one.”
