Page 69 of The Doctor's Destiny

EMMA

Now, in the middle of the night at the hospital, is the only time to practice for my upcoming audition, and hopefully August – nor anyone else for that matter - won’t walk in on me.

I am alone. No one will come into this room until the morning. It’s dark - an empty, forgotten room. It’s simplyperfect.

I put on my old ballet shoes.Ha. These are the same shoes August gave me all those years ago. Sometimes I forget that, but August has somehow been dominating my thoughts recently. Funny that.

I aggressively push thoughts of the doctor to the very back of my mind.

Not now, Emma. Not here. Not now.

I can’t deny that his new presence has re-tingled things hidden deep within me – things I had once thought no longer existed – but I am also deeply aware I cannot afford to indulge a moment’s thought to those very things. Otherwise, I might lose myself. I might do something that I, later on, regret.

Now it’s time to let go...

I turn on my portable speaker. The familiar notes of Swan Lake fill the room.

This audition is really happening.

And I amterrified.

As I get to my feet and find my starting position in the middle of the room, I feel a panic attack creeping up on me with pace. I try to take deep breaths to stop the building pressure. I try not to let the immediacy of the audition overwhelm me, but it’s all getting too much.

I don’t think I can do this.

I think I am losing control.

I stop everything for a moment. I cease moving.

I stand still in my ballet shoes and attempt to steady myself both physically and mentally. The room is rocking like a small boat in a storm. My heart is pounding so fast as if it wants to escape my chest. Breathing’s all shallow and stop-start.

Go slow, Emma.

Think.

Calm yourself.

I take in a few more deep breaths until the room gradually returns to normal. No more rocking. No more pounding heartbeat. No more shallow breaths.

You can do this, Emma. You can do this audition. You know you can dance.

I hold on to the wall as I return to normality. I try to picture Irina and her calming, strict Russian presence. What would she say to me if she saw me like this? She would tell me to buckle up and keep going.Push through the pain.

And I listen to the music - that beautiful, eternal music of Swan Lake that’s existed for hundreds of years. All those performers who’ve danced to these notes...

Go slow...

And I am back to myself again.

But I really am so very scared at how this audition will turn out.

I compose myself and do the one thing I can do – even when times are scary and I seriously doubt myself...

Idance.

41

AUGUST

Source: www.allfreenovel.com