Page 16 of Ruining Lili


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“It’s easier to show you.”

I’m back in his arms and this time when the elevator doors open, there isn’t a kill squad aiming their guns at our hearts. That’s nice.

Bastian picks me up and holds me close to his chest. My arms go around his neck. He smells of gunpowder and blood, but he’s alive when it could have turned out so differently.

“We could have died,” I say to him as he punches in the code for the twenty-ninth floor.

“Yes.”

Flat. No emotion. Typical Bastian.

“You did all this for peace. That kind of backfired, didn’t it?”

He looks mortally wounded by my softly spoken words. Damn. I don’t want to start a fight here. Not after all the shit we just went through. I want to backtrack, but today’s events ride squarely on his shoulders. Why should I feel guilty for wanting clarity and someone to take responsibility?

“Yes. You’re right.”

I want to demand he put me down, but when his brown eyes meet mine, the soul-wrenching look he gives makes me pause.

“I’m sorry.”

Something in me calms. The freaked out woman who doesn’t like violence takes a deep breath and the crevice in my heart from his betrayal stops growing. I offer a small smile to hide how those two gruffly spoken words grip my heart in a vice. I’ve never heard them come out of Bastian’s mouth since I have met him.

“I don’t know how else to say it, but I will spend the rest of my life making up for my mistake.”

The smell of his fading cologne and the feel of his warm body against mine almost has me letting this whole thing go. Almost. “Yes, Bastian, you will. And we still need to have a long talk.”

My bravado is fierce, but on the inside, I want to be the damsel in distress. It’s just never been who I am. Deep down though, I can see myself wearing his wedding ring and carrying his children. On the flip side, I wonder if that is how I really see this turning out for us. Can I trust him to never pull a stunt like this again and all in the name of protecting the family again?

His arms tighten around me like he can hear my thoughts. I silently plead for him to just say he loves me and that all will be okay. But I don’t want lies either.

Is this the end for us? Do I leave now and never return? The thought of never seeing him again guts me.

I guess we’ll both find out, eventually. But right now I feel safe in his arms and I’m going to hold on to that while he holds onto me.

“I agree. We have a lot to talk about, Lili Irons.”

CHAPTER 6

LILI

There he goes again. Right when I go to correct him—again—the elevator doors silently slide open up to reveal an oasis of soft beiges and calm lavenders. There’s white, and some muted yellows too.

Every calm color I love reflects in the decor. Large windows make up the walls of the lavish apartment and I literally do not know where to look first. Beyond the glass is a beautiful view of Chicago bathed in noon sunlight.

“It’s beautiful. Why do you have this place? Do you have some secret family I don’t know about? A wife you keep down here out of sight?” Conspiracy theories run rampant through my head while the lump of muscle in my chest wants to shrivel up and die.

His laugh is warm, low and strokes across my nerve endings in a way that has me throwing on the brakes.

He steps off the elevator and keeps walking through the spacious open-aired apartment.

“Nothing like that, trust me.” His hands tighten on my leg and arm, pulling me tighter into his embrace.

He enters the living room and when I look back at the closing elevator doors, my mouth hinges open. Massing gurgling saltwater tanks take up both sides of the metal doors.

I can’t look away. “Oh, wow! Bastian! You have salt water tanks in here, too?”

My eyes are wide, and my heart beats wildly. Over Christmas I told him my love for aquariums. I don’t want to get my hopes up at what my eyes and heart are telling me.

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