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Jamie did not miss the word forever. “And what does he want?” he whispered, as I pulled back to look at him.
I smiled softly, looking him in the eye. “You.” I leaned forward to kiss him, but he met me halfway, and it was honestly the hottest kiss we’d ever shared that wasn’t about to lead to sex because we were young, but after that one it wasn’t going to happen again right away. Maybe the next morning…
I pulled back the covers and helped him under them, covering him up and still trying to take care of him. I’d clean up my requested mess in the morning. I wasn’t some monster who would leave cum stains for the housekeeping staff, but I was exhausted. Before sleep, though, there was one more thing I wanted to say. “It wasn’t the first time I knew I wanted you, you know.”
He’d been burrowed in my chest, but he pulled back and looked at me, confused. “What?”
“You said the first time I knew I wanted you was when you were giving my friend a lap dance. But that wasn’t the first time. I mean, yeah, I wanted you bad right then, you little siren,” he smirked as I went on, “but I wanted you, all of you, not just your body, long before that night. Even if I wouldn’t admit it to anyone, including myself. You think I go out and buy a lot of people necklaces from a tween store at the mall? You think I skip practice all the time to take people out for coffee? Caitlin saw through my denial the entire time. I’d been watching you and admiring you from afar for years. So yeah, maybe you did let sad Caden out of the box that night, but he’d been pounding on the walls, trying to get to you for a long time.”
He smiled slowly. “Yeah?”
“Yeah.”
With a mischievous twinkle in his eye he said, “Well maybe I knew who you were a little better than I let on when we first started talking, too.”
“I knew it! Had you checked me out before?”
“Seriously, babe. Who on that campus hasn’t checked you out?”
I laughed. “Well, I thought maybe I was being overly hopeful to think you had, especially with that angry, suspicious look you were giving me the first couple of times we talked.”
“A boy has to protect his heart somehow, Caden,” he said softly.
“Well, your heart is safe with me. I swear.”
He cuddled up to me again. “Let’s get some rest. We gotta hit the slopes in the morning.”
I loved how he said it as though he had a clue of what he was doing, when he’d spent his entire life in central Florida. “Do you think you’ll be able to ski?”
He shrugged. “Who knows? But it doesn’t look that hard. Just sliding around on some flat sticks. How about you? You think you’ll remember how?”
“I guess it’s been a pretty long time, but it’s probably like riding a bike. I mean, I’ve done it before, so how hard can it be?”
???
The answer to my question the previous night was really, really hard. For the entire first day of us attempting to ski, we spent more time on the ground than we spent skiing. Jamie fell off the tow rope on our first ascent up the bunny slope, where we’d decided to start in order to get the feel of it. When he fell, he fell into me, so I also fell. On the third try we made it to the top of the small incline.
Right before we tried to go down, I was still getting my bearings and fell face first into the snow. That made Jamie laugh so hard that he pitched forward and ended up going down the hill in a half squat, his hands on his skis, with the grand finale of running into the fence at the bottom. I’d managed to stand up, but that made me laugh so hard I fell again. He flopped into the snow in defeat, but he was laughing, too.
Honestly, though, that trip was the most fun I could remember having. By the end of the week, we’d made it past the bunny slope and successfully skied down a couple of the easier slopes. We didn’t take ourselves too seriously, laughing right along with any onlookers, including the little kids who were better at it than we were.
We had a great time together that whole week, just the two of us. There was plenty of cuddling in the lobby with hot chocolate, not giving a damn if we got any dirty looks, but not actually noticing any if we did. There was plenty of fun in our room as well, making use of all the furniture at our disposal, as well as the jacuzzi tub in the bathroom. There were so many laughs and smiles on the trip, and moments of joy, that I couldn’t remember ever being so happy. I realized that was all that mattered. I wanted to make him laugh, make him smile for the rest of our lives. The thought was still a little scary, because I’d never met anyone I could see myself with for the rest of my life, but I knew in my heart it was the only thing I wanted.
Chapter 20
April
We were almost there. Almost to that asshole’s hometown, the place I was certain he’d taken Jamie. I hated the place already. I had my phone out again, this time with the social media pages of the news stations pulled up. I wasn’t sure why I did it to myself, but I continued to do so. I was hopeful that maybe someone would have something useful to say on there, even if they weren’t following instructions and calling the police station. There was never anything useful, though, never anything I could try to investigate.
The comments on the posts did little more than hurt and anger me every time. I could not believe how cold and insensitive people could be when they were hiding behind a keyboard, and when what they were commenting on had nothing to do with them personally. The post I was focused on in the van was from a few weeks prior, before they’d found Wally and when they were still hoping to rescue Jamie. People had continued to comment on that post, and it remained active.
College student still missing, believed to be in extreme danger. The headline, and my photo of Jamie from the missing posters, were all I could see without clicking on the article. I already knew what the article said. The comments, though. They were what got me. A lot of them, though not helpful, weren’t bad. “Prayers for this person and their family.” “This is so scary, right here in our town. I hope he’s ok and they find him.” “Thoughts and prayers to his friends and family. Hope he’s found safe soon.”
But then there were the others. All saying different things but each as callous as the next, peppered in with the care and well wishes and worry over a kidnapping in our town. They typed whatever vitriol came to their mind first, with no thought that they were speaking about a person, a human being. With no care that the person had people who loved him reading their venomous words.
“This guy was a gay stripper and ended up with a stalker. I mean you could kind of see this coming?” “Don’t give prayers. This kid deserves everything he got and he’s going to end up burning in hell.” “He gave me a lap dance once. I can see why someone would kidnap him.” “Yes, yes, so sad. Next?” “You reap what you sow. In this case, a stalker. You were dancing practically naked in a room full of strangers. Come on.” “Are we really wasting news space on this whore of a college kid who had a stalker because he was a sex worker?” “Damn, he’s really hot. What a waste.” “This is God’s way of saying, ‘Don’t be a gay stripper.’ So maybe listen next time.” “Maybe he should have been more careful and made better life choices, huh?”
My heart broke every time I read them as I simultaneously wanted to give these people what they’d just sown and knock their fucking lights out. Fury and pain didn’t begin to describe what their comments made me feel. It was like strangers were taking turns twisting the knife that had been lodged in my heart, killing me a little more with each word. Couldn’t they understand that just like themselves, Jamie had people who loved him? He had a life and hopes and dreams, just like they did. He had friends. He had a mom and a sister. He had a boyfriend whose world revolved around him. I couldn’t understand how people who knew literally nothing of the situation could talk about him like they were. They didn’t know him. They didn’t know what he'd endured, what he’d overcome, or what he was trying to accomplish.
