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His footsteps carry him from the kitchen and with his tone, he might as well have saidhave the day you deserve, but I know I already am. It’s been a horrible day, and I’ve only been awake for a couple of hours.
I knew my choices were going to bite me in the rear, eventually. I just never imagined it would happen so epically.
Chapter 27
Cash
I shouldn’t be surprised that she called Madison first. That transition has been slowly happening since Madison Kelly got back to town, but the reality of it doesn’t make the sting any less painful. Making a baby was something she and I were doing together, and I’m still not her first call.
Maybe trying to maintain her as my best friend was never meant to happen.
I don’t know how many times I’ve been told a man and a woman can’t be best friends. Their reasoning is that one of them, usually the guy, is only sticking around until he can shoot his shot.
I had a girlfriend in college tell me that once during an argument, and then when I got defensive about it, denying it of course because Adalynn was only a senior in high school back then, she called me out on that too.
She was right, of course. I just didn’t want to accept it. It made me feel like a creep, like some sort of pervert, as if I was being manipulative on some level just by being her friend. I vowed to never cross that line with her, as if I needed to prove something to someone who didn’t even matter in my life any longer.
I guess I’m still lying to myself as much now as I was back then because nothing has changed. That’s not exactly true. I think my craving for her has only multiplied. After touching her, tasting her, holding her in my arms, I know there isn’t another woman alive that will ever be able to match what I shared with her.
But the cold hard truth is that it’s all one-sided, and if I allow myself to really look at the whole picture, I can see that it always has been.
I don’t think Adalynn was using me. I’m not a narcissistic asshole. I just think that what we agreed to didn’t work out, and since she didn’t get pregnant, she wants to cut her losses. I’m certain she wants a baby. I’m just as certain that she’s decided that she doesn’t want one with me.
It’s been over a week since I saw her at the bakery, after Madison urged me to go to her.
I know she doesn’t think that I didn’t hear her say that we can’t try again, but I did. It crushed me then and still has the power to hurt me now. I’d never try and talk her out of it. I wish I could say I don’t want a woman who doesn’t want me, but Adalynn has been the end game for me for years. I let myself believe that the stars would align and we’d get our shot at happily ever after, but it seems my wishes were just that. Some sort of prayer that was never heard.
I now know where I stand with her, and that’s on the outside where I’m certain I always belonged.
She hasn’t called or texted, and when I was looking back through my phone over the last three weeks, I’ve been the one to reach out first each and every time. The last time I went to her dad’s house for a meal was after I asked her directly about it. She didn’t extend the invite on her own.
The writing is right there in front of my face, and like a fool, it took me much too long to catch on.
Not only is the trying to get pregnant part over, but it seems the entire friendship is too.
Deep down, I think I knew this would happen. I knew that she deserved more than I could ever offer her.
I recall the look on Ronnie’s face when I showed up that last time. We aren’t exactly great friends, but he’s always been courteous to me. Maybe he got wind of what Adalynn and I were doing and voiced his opinion to her about it. Maybe everyone in her family got involved. Maybe I’m good enough to share a mealwith but not good enough to have a more permanent place in her life.
“That look on your face makes me not even want to ask for a favor.”
I snap my eyes from my computer screen toward my open, office door.
Eastyn is in the doorway, frowning at me.
“I talked to him about it. If Chandler has continued to flirt with—”
She waves her hand dismissively. “He’s been fine. A little skittish around me, but I don’t think that’s such a bad thing.”
Chandler didn’t miss a beat flirting with Eastyn when she first started here a few weeks ago. She didn’t say anything to me, but I could tell the attention wasn’t wanted, so I spoke with my officer about it. Chandler wasn’t happy about being chastised, but he was even more upset with himself because he bothered her when she wasn’t receptive.
We now have a no fraternization rule in place here at the office which protects all of us.
“What were you going to ask?”
I watch as she chews the inside of her cheek before speaking.
“I was going to see if I could use Friday as a personal day. It’s just that I have a thing out of town, and I don’t even want to go, but I—”
