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I can’t seem to formulate the words. I have no idea what I would say or what I’d be apologizing for.
I don’t thinkI love you and I can’t help it. I’m sorry if it makes you uncomfortablewould go over very well.
If I had just kept my mouth shut in the beginning, I could already be pregnant with his baby. Of course, I wouldn’t have ever known that donor sixty-four ninety-two was him. I’d probably still wonder my entire life as a parent what it would be like to have his baby, but then I wouldn’t be alone.
I chastise myself the way I know my mother would for being so down on myself. There are so many people in the world that have much less than I do. I need to stop being ungrateful.
Knowing this doesn’t stop me from pressing my hand to my empty lower belly when no one is looking and feeling like a complete failure.
Chapter 35
Cash
“Thanks, man,” I say, hanging up the phone after Walker tells me that my food will be ready in a few minutes.
I should’ve eaten more today after all that damned exercise, but I couldn’t stomach a thing with the heat.
Going to one of the other booths to get something also put me closer to Adalynn, and the pull to her was hard enough to fight from the other side of the town square.
I mingled like it was expected of me. I did my best not to look in her direction too many times, but I couldn’t help it when Chandler and Eastyn walked up, offering me one of Ruth’s hand-pies. I didn’t take it because I knew Chandler would enjoy it more.
Eastyn said she thinks that Adalynn hates her, but I let her know Adalynn doesn’t hate anyone. I wasn’t about to open a can of worms by letting her know that I’m probably the only person that woman hates right now.
To give the sheriff’s department a break and, because I can’t stand to be home alone right now, I’m driving around town in my patrol car. It’s quiet, the majority of the townsfolk probably just as tired from the heat today as I am. We often have events in town. Some start early in the day like today, but the same folks who get up to support the community at seven in the morning are also the ones willing to get to the square at ten at night when we have one of the stargazing events. We did that last year to support the astronomy club at the middle school when they voiced a need for a new but expensive telescope. The town came together and made it happen, much the same way they came together and named Bruce Jacobs as an honorary competitor today.
Chandler smiled and thanked Harper rather than blaming the fire department.
Bruce Jacobs had lung cancer, and I’m sure a lot of that had to do with being a firefighter for many years in town, long before the funding came in that made the town capable of making it paid positions. It not only allowed them to have folks on duty all the time, but the fund also provided the firemen with proper equipment, something Bruce didn’t always have when he was running into burning houses to save people and pets for so many decades.
Last year, Harper and Walker’s brother was named an honorary competitor, something both of them smiled at and accepted. Jason was also a member of the fire department.
I even heard whispers of a curse earlier today and how those connected to the fire department might all be in danger.
I shook my head and walked away. Such things are always easier to give credit to in the dark where it’s customary for bad things to happen.
I slow my cruiser down, groaning in annoyance when a flash of feathers appear in the headlights.
Margie.
That damn peahen is out again, even after Chandler and I sweated bullets extending her pen and making sure the damned thing was covered with predator-proof mesh over the top.
Luckily for me, the bird seems to have an affinity for me, and she stops once I call her name out the window.
Her stride in my direction is slow and purposeful. I move slowly to climb out of my car and open the back door. Without missing a beat, she jumps into the car. I make sure not to catch one of her feathers in the door before closing her inside.
I give Mr. Prichard a call to let him know that I have his bird and will be putting her back in her pen. I don’t want to get shot at going onto his property unannounced.
The whole ordeal takes longer than it should due to having to take the long way around after the thunderstorm we had washed out some of the gravel on the most direct route to his house. The county has a crew heading our way the first part of next week, something I had to relay to more than one person when they complained to me about it at the competition earlier.
I feel more relief than I should when I finally make it to the bar and don’t see Adalynn’s car in the parking lot. I don’t know why I even expected it to be there. She hasn’t met me here in weeks. It’s just one more thing that has changed where we’re concerned.
I leave the windows cracked because even with as cordial as Margie was when she saw me, it didn’t stop her from shitting in the back seat of my cruiser. I pray the odor is gone by the time I make it back out, but if it isn’t, it wouldn’t be the first time I eat my dinner using the trunk as my table. I’m adaptable that way.
My thoughts about staying in bed all day hit me right in the chest when I step inside, my eyes going right to the table that Adalynn always waited for me at. There’s a stranger sitting there, but Adalynn is sitting across from him, a wide smile on her face.
Anger slashes at me, my hands forming fists as I start in that direction.
“Hey, man.”
