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He shakes Linus’s hand and thanks him for an incredible meal, telling him that he’ll be back for another meal before he leaves town. The two of them continue to talk and walk out, leaving Hudson and me alone.
The room closes in, and I can barely breathe now that this impromptu surprise is sinking in. I stand, and Hudson follows suit.
“Palmer?” he asks, looking worried.
I put up my hand, keeping my back to him. This is a huge step. A step that could fuck up everything we’ve built.
“What’s the matter? You don’t feel the same way?” I hear him coming closer to me.
I shake my head, turning to face him. “That’s not it. I’ve been feeling something too. But if we…we could…you know…mess it all up. And Adley.”
He takes my hands. “Adley has two parents who love each other. Two parents who have been in denial about their feelings for one another. Two parents who could raise her under one roof with both of us there when she wakes in the morning and to tuck her in at night.”
Hope surfaces in his blue eyes. It all sounds so nice. Like a fairy tale, but fairy tales are just that, stories someone wrote. I know that better than anyone.
“And if we sleep together and then all this”—I motion between us—“just evaporates? What then for our daughter?”
“Is that what you think?” He drops my hands. “That I’m saying all this because I want to have sex with you? Jesus, Palmer.” He turns away from me.
I close my eyes, step forward, and place my hands on his back.
“It’s never been about sex with you. I fucking love you, Palmer.”
He says the last part so softly that I place my cheek lightly on his back, closing my eyes as if it’s going to let me process this abrupt change in our relationship. His back rises and falls with his breaths, and I relish the smell of him. A smell that’s always felt like home to me.
I owe him my honesty.
“I’m scared for her,” I admit. It’s easier to say with his back to me. “I don’t want to fuck her up.”
He turns around, circling his arms around me, and I wrap my arms around his waist. “She’s my number one priority. You know that, right?”
I nod, because we both agree on one thing—Adley comes first, always.
“But I don’t want to deny myself anymore. I want you, Palmer, and if you want me too, then I want us to give this a try. If you want to keep it from Adley until we have some more time to discover what could be, that’s fine, but I’m not going to just take a back seat like I did all those years ago.” He places his finger under my chin and eases my face up to look at him. “I know you’re scared, but you’ve always been able to trust me, right?”
I nod.
“Then trust me and jump into this with me. Let us explore this without any walls up.”
I lose myself in the depth of the love pouring out of his eyes. “I…”
He lowers his head to mine, his lips so close, his breath tickles my nostrils.
“Trust me,” he whispers.
I nod. “Okay.” I inch a little closer, but he draws back.
“Say you love me.”
“Hudson,” I sigh, and he chuckles, inching back when I rise on my tiptoes to reach him. He’s not going to let this go. I feel as if there’s nowhere left to hide anyway, so I speak the truth. “I love you. I always have.”
His finger moves, and he cradles my face, tilting it up to look at him. “You’re gonna love me so much more now.”
I shake my head. “There’s that ego.”
“You love my ego.” He lowers his head to mine, the tips of our noses touching. “I’m going to kiss you now.”
I slide my tongue out to lick my lips. “Okay.”
