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“Well, first of all, Cage is my cousin, so gross. And Jake has never done anything for me. Besides, they’re both with the band.”
“Jesse’s with the band. So is Rory.”
She sighs. “I know. But even though you can’t spend as much time as you want with Jesse, and Brock can’t spend as much time as he wants with Rory, you’re still paired off. And as usual, I’m the odd one out.”
“So that’s what you want, then? You want Dave to be your date for the trip?”
“I certainly wouldn’t be averse to it.”
“Oh, Maddie,” I say. “I don’t want to destroy your dreams, but David just said earlier that he didn’t come here for… You know.”
“Yeah, I heard him. I was a little crestfallen when he said it, but you don’t know what he said after you and Jesse left.”
“I guess I don’t. You want to enlighten me?”
“He just said he thought I was beautiful and he’d like to spend some time with me on the trip. He said what he did because he didn’t want to piss Jesse off. But he also said he wasn’t looking for anything serious. And he reiterated the fact that he didn’t come here for me specifically. He came here because he needed a break but was glad I was here, and he asked if I’d like to spend time with him.”
“To which you responded…”
“To which I responded…yes, of course, that I’d love to spend some time with him. Especially now that you and Jesse are together. It will give you some time to be alone with him and not feel like you have to be entertaining me.”
“You already gave me that opportunity tonight when you let Jesse and me have dinner together.”
“I know. I want to be fair to you and my brother. I don’t want to be the lost lamb everyone has to be worrying about.”
“That’s not how we think of you, Mads.”
She raises her eyebrows. “Isn’t it, though? I suppose it’s partially my fault. The way I told you all about how I felt so left out among you and the rest of the awesome foursome.”
“I know, Mads. I’m so sorry about that. I honestly never knew.”
“I know.”
I think for a moment back to when I was in Maddie’s room and noticed the quotes on her wall.
“I am an outsider looking in, absolutely.” — David Bowie
“Why fit in when you were born to stand out?” — Dr. Seuss
“The worst part about feeling like you don’t belong is trying to find a place to belong.” — Trent Shelton
I should’ve noticed a lot sooner. But I hadn’t been in Maddie’s room for…a while, for sure. Over a year? Two years?
That’s not being a friend.
“Please don’t look at me like that, Brianna.”
“Like what?”
“Like I’m the most pathetic creature on earth.” She sighs. “So I’m feeling left out. So all my siblings are involved with Steels, and I’m the odd one out or the fifth wheel to the awesome foursome. I need to get over it. I need to be strong on my own two feet.”
Again I think of her inspiring quotes. She’s tried so hard to belong and never felt she did.
“After all,” she continues, “no one can fix me but me. No one can fix my life but me. And I do want you to know how grateful I truly am for this trip.”
“You could’ve come anyway. You didn’t need me.”
“But you’ve made it so amazing. Being able to fly in such luxury. I still feel bad that Jesse didn’t get that.”
