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Instead of whining about it, I should allow it. For the good of the band.
Instead of feeling ashamed that I can’t offer the band these kinds of accommodations, I should be grateful that Brock is here and is willing.
And I am.
I’m fucking grateful.
Taking what’s offered doesn’t make me weak. It doesn’t make me not good enough.
It’s taking a gift and giving back when I can.
I’ll repay Brock and Donny someday. Somehow. But for now? I will take what they offer for the good of the band. And I’ll try not to feel shitty about it.
Taking isn’t bad.
Except when it is.
I took from Brianna, and she will allow me to continue to take.
I should be strong enough to resist her.
I should be a lot of things.
But I’ve told her where I stand, and she still wants to be with me. I don’t want to be a dick. I don’t want to lead her on.
I only want what’s best for her.
What’s best for the band.
What’s best for the band is for me to be focused, and the only way I can be focused is if Brianna is out of my head.
And the only way for her to be out of my head is for me to take what she’s offering.
My room is nice with two queen beds. It was originally meant for Dragon and me, but since he isn’t here…
Brianna is rooming with Maddie, of course. I won’t see her tonight. We’ve already had dinner, and we all need a good night’s rest because tomorrow evening is the Edinburgh concert.
I grab my phone and dial Callie.
“Hey, Jess,” she says.
“Hey. We’re here safely, and I wanted to check in on you guys and Dragon.”
“He’s good. He was discharged a few hours ago, and we’re back at the hotel. Donny will be staying with him in his room.”
“Thanks for that. I didn’t want to ask, but…”
“It’s not a problem, Jesse. We want him to get well as much as you do. And he does, too. He feels terrible about everything.”
“Is he there? Can I talk to him?”
“Yup. He’s right here. We’re in his room. Donny’s getting his things moved. Here he is.”
“Jess,” Dragon says.
“Dragon, man. How are you?”
His sigh whooshes through the phone and into my ear. “I feel like the world’s biggest asshole, man. I swear to God, Jess. I didn’t take anything. Those bitches must have slipped me something.”
